The Decade Known as 2020

A few more hours to go before we ring in the new year with hesitation! 2020 was definite one for the books and I think we’re all relieved to be finally moving on to 2021. I look back on this year, and as confusing and painful and lifechanging as it was for me, a lot of good came out of it.

Like many others, I was laid off back in February. I was lucky enough to still live at home, but I had student loans and bills to pay. Nothing was certain and I felt lost. I was denied unemployment and . I then sat down and started to think about what work I could do from home and I ran to Indeed and Glassdoor to see who need a remote position to be filled or a virtual assistant to go through and organize their emails. The pickings were slim and the jobs that I qualified for were being filled before the job listings were even put up.

Around March I received an email from Udemy saying that all courses were 90% off. I ignored it. For about a week and sat and waited for the day that I would get the call to come back to work. The call never came and I needed to come up with something to occupy my time so I didn’t go absolutely insane while being stuck at home. So what did I do? I started a podcast, though I had no audio editing skills… so I ended up finding the email from Udemy and started looking through page after page of audio editing. From their, audio editing courses turned into video editing and then I found a twitch streaming course. I bought 5 courses that day and decided I was going to podcast and stream and enjoy my time.

For about 4 months, I studied these courses and took notes like a star student. In May, I started the podcast and on June 29 was when I went live for the first time on Twitch. On July 17, I made affiliate and I just celebrated 6 months of streaming 2 days ago. I’ve people who I would have never crossed paths with and got to experience some amazing things. I learned how to handle assholes in my chat and gained the ability to laugh at myself and think on my feet. Most importantly, though, I found my calling. I made a streaming family, and we’re broken and fucked up, but loving and driven. I don’t want to go back to a 9-5 job where everything I do goes unnoticed and nothing ever makes an impact. I like being my own boss and waking up getting to do something that I love. No one is taking that away from me.

2020 was a shitshow, but I made something of myself this year and I want to celebrate that as we close this chapter. All of you share your love and support daily, and without any of you I wouldn’t be able to do this and I want to celebrate that, as well. Yes, 2020 will never be forgotten but if this year didn’t play out the way it did, none of this would have happened and for that I am beyond grateful.

In 2021, a lot is going to be changing for Rooplixoo and myself. January is going to be hectic getting everything finalized, but it’s going to be great! We have tons of projects to work on and holidays to celebrate. I say this a lot to people in my life, but I don’t think I’ve said this on here, so… you’re stuck with me. I have nothing but time to do this so that’s what I’m going to do.

Here’s to 2021 and to us. I love you all and hope you have a wonderful, kickass New Year. See you all next year!

2/154

Hello everyone! I’m spending the day writing, but I wanted to take a moment to get the second sonnet posted. I hope you all enjoy it!

When the time comes and the days grow colder,
And there’s only our thoughts to ease us at night,
Will we be at peace when we are older,
And be able to say we cast a light?

Yesterday parted without a goodbye,
Tomorrow comes upon us suddenly,
Today will be nothing but a long sigh,
Unless we can mark each minute greatly.

When we become frail and our thoughts go dull,
With nothing ahead and sorrow behind,
Can we say that the days were great and full,
Or just mem’ries taking up space in mind?

We must do our best to love much and care,
Before we are nothing, faded and bare.

1/154

Hey guys, hope you’re all doing well! I don’t have a lot going on so we’re just going to jump in! The first sonnet is done and I’m really excited to share it with all of you! It’s been a while since I’ve done any creative writing but I’m really happy with how it turned out!

The selfish woes of the unspoken mind,
That cast a shadow down unto the heart,
With nothing more than silent cries to find,
Never to be heard, nor seeking to part.

The words that once were spoken lay weary,
The eyes that once shined grew dull and hollow,
Warmth’s embrace now nothing but a mem’ry,
There’s not much left except to just let go.

With all that strewn out before us in life,
The passing days and weeks that we once craved,
Think if things were diff’rent I’d be a wife,
Instead, I sit with pain that is not saved.

All while wanting to just move on and feel,
But left with nothing as so much to steal.

I stuck to the rules of 10 syllables per line, 14 lines, and the rhyming scheme. It took me about 4 hours between writing and rewriting but I think I did well! Let me know what you guys think, and here’s to the next 153!

0/154

As the year comes to an end, I’ve been coming up with a bunch of smaller projects to carry over into the new year. We have the stream, the podcast and this here blog, but why not add more?

When I was was in middle and high school (year 8 through year 12), I used to write all the time. I would take my creative writing homework and blow them so far out of proportion that my teacher would question whether or not I had done the initial assignment. From countless 13-page poems to 3 separate re-writings of Romeo and Juliet, you could say I was hooked on the craft.

After my first year of college, I lost my way with words and my mind moved from creative to technical to whatever you want to consider what I post now. I miss being able to sit down at my computer and letting my thoughts flow. It was one of my greatest outlets and I want it back.

With that being said, creativity can’t be forced… but it can be pointed in the right direction. One of my favorite assignments from school was when we would read a poem or short story and then have to rewrite our own piece in the same structure.

So my plan is simple: I am going to be going through all 154 of Shakespeare’s Sonnets and then writing my own. I will be doing my best to write them in iambic pentameter, but I will definitely keep to the 14 lines and the rhyming scheme (ABAB CDCD EFEF GG).

I won’t be posting these everyday, most likely 2 a week unless I feel inspired, but I am extremely excited to be doing this. I don’t know if I will just be uploading them as a regular post or if I’ll make a separate section on the website for them, but there’s plenty of time to figure it out!

I love you all, and I hope you all have a wonderful day/afternoon/night!

The Early Hours of a Sleepless Mind

Hello everyone, I hope you’re all doing well! This isn’t going to be a normal post, as I have so many things I want to say, so this is just going to be a bunch of rambling and haphazardly pieced together thoughts… actually, this will be a normal post.

The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve been happy and scared. I’ve made so many new friends; they’re so wonderful and I’m grateful to have them in my life. On the other end, I have people in my life that either no longer trust or that make it so I feel powerless in any situation that they’re involved in. I am strong, but I can’t help but fall back into my old habits and shut down.

The best part is that while all this is happening, my mind is muddied by a boy and I’m pretty sure I’ve driven my friends up a wall with how much I talk about it. I should just resort to writing his name in my school notebook and playing MASH at sleepovers. Even as I write this, my brain is an office whose filing cabinets just exploded everywhere and the power’s out.

Now that it’s 4:30AM and I have Steam Powered Giraffe blasting in my ears, I think I should remove my hands from the keyboard and go to bed.

I hope most of you are sleeping well, and the rest got enough sleep for a good day. I will be posting the podcast later today, so stay tuned for that!

…And Melancholy is the Nurse of Frenzy

Hello my friends. I hope everyone has gotten through the first week of December, and is spending the weekend as they wish. I unfortunately am in a fair bit of pain, so I’m resting and now writing because my mind is never at ease.

On top of the physical pain, my anxiety and depression decided to kick into overdrive. Last night, I was reminded (by myself) that I still had a dating profile up, so I did what anyone with a deadly curiosity would do and I started looking through those who swiped right on me. I forgot the insane the demands were listed on these profiles. Then I started thinking, though, maybe I’m the insane one. I mean, I’d sooner move to another country before I altered my appearance, and I would certainly not stay home and raise some fictitious family while I get dinner ready.

I guess my list would be a guy who I can joke with but also be able to hold a conversation with. Someone who wants to go on adventures, whether they be late night walks or in some game. One who understands that both of our projects and endeavors are equally important. As well, it would be nice to have someone to people watch with and create stories about who they are. Giggling all hours of the night and naps. With that being said, I guess my ideal partner would be a friend.

I’m a hopeless romantic with a twisted sense of humor. I’m awkward and terrible at exclaiming my thoughts and feelings. I will sooner tell someone that I like their face and want to smash it with mine, than just come out and say that I like them. I will use absolutely awful jokes, pickup lines, and fun facts. I’ve linked pinkies with people because I want to hold their hand but I’m too shy to do so and I don’t want them to feel obligated to hold mine.

I am fine being single, but I miss having talks about nothing and sharing stupid videos and songs with someone. I have wonderful people in my life that I am grateful for and would do anything for them, but I guess I’ve turned into a Hallmark movie where the holidays make you feel lonely and come New Years Eve, the magical script writer throws in a happily ever after and the credits roll. I don’t want a happily ever after, not yet anyway, I just don’t want to be alone.

Now that I’ve gotten that written down, I guess I go back to listening to music and playing Minecraft while breathing through the pain. I love you all so much. The podcast will be back on the 8th, so I will talk to you guys then!

Stay well!

New Friends and Old Habits

Happy Sunday everyone! I hope you guys had a wonderful week, and for those of you state side, a happy Thanksgiving! We are in the 11th hour of 2020, and I’m sure we’re all relieved to have made it to this point and excited to see what 2021 brings us! So let’s just dive into what’s been happening on my end and what you guys can expect moving forward!

In my last post, I mentioned that I had a crush on someone and was finally able to close a chapter that I thought would never end. I’m terrible at reading situations and people, but I’m just going to let it run its course and whether or not something happens, everything will be fine!

Next on the agenda, I have made a few new friends! They are crazy and extremely blunt, and I am honestly happy to have met them and can’t wait to see what insanity ensues. Before this year, I really hadn’t added anyone to my circle since college, so having new stories to hear and old stories to share has been overwhelming and wonderful. With that being said, I’m hoping that a few of them might show their faces (or their voices) on December 1st.

What is December 1st, you might ask? Well, it’s the 3rd birthday of Rooplixoo! Back in 2017, I wanted to start a blog about getting my shit together and being the person I wanted to be. We are now 3 years in, and I am doing pretty much everything I’ve ever wanted to do, and I’m happy.

Enough about me, though. Let’s get into what you guys will be getting! On December 1st at 3PM EST, I will be doing a 12-hour stream over on twitch to celebrate 3 years of this ever-growing project. On December 8th, the podcast will be returning! I am super excited to be able to do this again and to have new people on the show! Next on December 29th, we will be celebrating 6 months of streaming! Finally, on December 31st, I will be smoking my last cigarette. I have been smoking since I was 19 and I’m sick of it.

This year has definitely one for the books, but a lot of good has come out of it. Here’s to the last month of the year! We fucking made it!

A Turn of Events

Good morning everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful week. My sleep schedule has been finicky as of late, but I believe it to be due to some very interesting events over the past week, and what better way to process it all than to write it on a public platform for all to see! Also, I see we have a few new faces, and I would like to welcome you to Rooplixoo!

I used this year to build and reflect, as well as come to terms with certain chapters from my past. One chapter I struggled to finish was one of an old flame. Two years ago, I walked away from what I thought was my whole world. Since then, I haven’t really felt much for the gentlemen callers who would try and charm me. I thought I was bound to be alone because I couldn’t feel what I was supposed to feel. I didn’t feel butterflies or had a crush. I now realize how ridiculous that sounds.

Recently, I got a weird twinge in my whole body that can only be diagnosed as girl brain. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience – just floating along and enjoying life. I honestly feel like I’m back in school, looking across the room and daydreaming, only to be snapped back to reality when the bell rings. What I’m trying to say is that my eye has been caught, and I’m extremely happy because I now know that I’m capable of feeling something.

Do I know if anything will come from this? No, but that’s okay. Whether something happens or not, I’m just happy that I have finally moved on (and between me and all of you, he’s not an asshole, so I also broke that cycle)! My heart has been freed to beat strong and proud once again, and nothing compares to how I feel right now. I will say this, because I always feel the need to clarify, I am not in love, just a small crush that I’m leaning into because it’s been a while since I’ve been able to enjoy this feeling.

Last night, I listened to “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat for the first time in a while, and I was able to do so without feeling anything ill. I will always love him and think of him fondly, but I am finally able to wake up and be okay. Hands will still be weird, and that’s probably my b, but it will all be okay. My tomorrow finally came!

I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend, and keep pushing through the shit! I love you all, and will see you soon!

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”

Wow, who would have thought that I would put a Shakespeare quote on my blog, never mind put it in a title. The quote will make sense in a moment, but first.. Hello everyone, it’s me. How are you? I wish I could say I’m doing well and that everything is grand, but the truth is that 2020 has been a shitshow for everyone and it just keeps going.

In my last post, I was talking about a lot of the plans I had for Rooplixoo. I’m still going through with all of those, and nothing will hold me or this whole thing back. There have been a lot of hiccups along the way, especially over the past couple of weeks and I’m taking some time to process everything that has happened, but we will overcome whatever heads in our direction.

I think everyone here realizes that in terms of fight or flight, I walk the fine line between the two and veer off into fight every once in a while. Honestly, I am so tired of fighting but it’s better than lying down and giving up. As for the title, I’m tired of not speaking up as much as I should. This lady is going to protest as much as she damn well pleases. I am a basket case on a mission, armed with knowledge and the will to keep going.

I can say for a fact that I have killed off a lot of my braincells trying to get a point across to mind-numbingly dense people, but I keep going in hopes that I might be heard or at least make someone think.

Now to bring this post home – I am going to protest to my heart’s content; my parents raised a fool, not a bitch. I am a good person. I know a lot more than I lead on. I am my own person. I will not be blamed for situations that I was not aware of. I am strong and capable, and will rise from the ashes of my past. I am me, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

I love you all. I’m not okay right now; I’ve gone through the motions of losing and starting over, but I will be okay. You have all given me the power to find the strength within myself to keep going. It’s not always easy. I’m a magnet for bullshit (I swear it’s hereditary), but I’m not going to sit here and be scared or ashamed of being myself… not anymore.