MHM

Hello everyone, I hope you’re doing well! I know it’s been a while, but I have about 4 or 5 drafts that will be posted over the next couple of weeks. I was supposed to stream today, but due to not feeling well, I decided to write about what I was going to talk about on stream.

For those of you who don’t know, MHM (Mental Health Monday) is a segment that I do where I talk about mental health. Topic range from how I cope with certain things in my day-to-day life to how I’ve grown from situations in my past and everything in between. Sometimes I bring others on and we talk about how we’ve managed to navigate life and relationships with the mental cocktails we’ve been given. If you are new to the blog, welcome and enjoy your stay! If you are coming here from the stream, pretend you just listened to ~30 minutes of me singing and playing ukulele! Let’s dive in!

Since I haven’t been feeling well, I figured I would talk about how I deal with being sick while battling my mind. It might not seem like it’s a battle or anything that big, but it’s something I struggle with every time I’m not feeling well physically. When I get sick, whether it’s just a headache or the flu, I get extremely depressed. The way to feel better is to rest and relax, but slowing down to relax gives me too much time to think which makes my anxiety spike, and resting/sleeping too much makes me extremely depressed. I also get the shakes sometimes, which just makes me self-conscious.

Being sick is never fun for anyone… accept for the kids who get away with it and get to stay home from school. Cartoons and games for hours with not a single teacher in sight! It’s what I attempt to recreate. I spend the day in my pajamas, camp out somewhere that isn’t my bed, binge murder documentaries and play games on my phone. I’m still resting, but I’m distracted enough that I won’t fall down a rabbit hole. There are times that this doesn’t work, though, and that’s kind of what I’m dealing with right now.

This weekend was wonderful. It started with getting Vanish (my dad’s cat) to watch for a week, and then I spent the entire weekend with my absolutely wonderful boyfriend (a post about him will be coming out soon). We went out to dinner with my mother Sunday night and it was great. Unfortunately, I got sick on Thursday (food poisoning) so getting through the weekend was difficult. I still ate well, but I was constantly worried that anything I ate would make me feel worse. Thankfully that didn’t happen, but I still felt lousy. I also slept a lot, which isn’t new to me but because I was sleeping to feel better, I got kind of depressed. I was able to navigate my weekend a bit better because I was surrounded by love and laughter the entire time, but it was still an uphill battle with my mind. Even sitting here writing this… I wanted to stream today but didn’t feel well enough to do so, so I decided to write instead. I wanted to get this post out sooner, but now it’s approaching midnight and I’m still typing. I know I’m doing my best and the people who matter know this, too, but I still feel kind of shitty about it.

The one thing that is helping me through this, though, is the fact that I won’t feel like this forever. Will I feel like this again? Most definitely, but hopefully not for a while after this time. I’ve been through a hell of a lot worse and survived, this is just another small bump in the road.

I know this isn’t the typical MHM, but I think it turned out pretty well! My question for all of you is: What makes you feel better when you’re sick? What comfort foods do you eat when you’re under the weather? What movies do you watch when you’re not feeling well?

I hope you all have a wonderful morning/afternoon/night, and I will be back up and running on Thursday (March 18, 2021) at 3PM EST on twitch! If you need a place to hang out, you can find me there or on discord! You are all so wonderful and I love you all!

Stay well, and I’ll see you soon!

Podcast and Project Update

Hello everyone! I hope everyone has had a wonderful week and is going strong! My week has been alright, just taking it day by day. I just needed some time to clear my mind. This year has given all of us plenty of time to think and make needed adjustments.

I normally upload my podcast today (Thursday), but I really didn’t have the energy to record an episode this week. For those of you who don’t know, I am a streamer on twitch (link goes to my channel). I go live Monday, Wednesday, Friday and possibly Saturday around 11PM EST. This week was filled with collaborations with some really great people which will be getting a post of their own! Being an introvert, though, has caused my social battery to run extremely low and I forgot to leave a bit of juice left for the podcast. What I’m going to to is move the podcast to Sunday, which will give me plenty of time during the week to recharge and make the content that I want to make. I will also be uploading the podcast to youtube, so click the think and follow there if you want to listen on there. There’s one highlight video from the stream on there, so the podcast episodes will be easy to find! As well, for anyone interested, I will be starting to upload the stream VODs to yotube, as well!

Moving on to the next topic, I am going to be contacting an artist to help me redesign everything (logos, panel images, between scene stuff, etc.). I know I have been saying for a while that I would be giving Rooplixoo a facelift, but the time has finally come that it’s being put in motion. I honestly don’t know what direction I want to go in, but I’m sure once I sit down with someone that has actual artistic talent, we’ll be able to figure something out!

Moving back to the stream, I am up to 132 followers which is absolutely amazing! I started on June 29 of this year and hit affiliate on July 17 after 9 streams! I honestly thought I wasn’t going to be even remotely close to affiliate until next year. If anyone would have told me I would have accomplished this much in such a short period of time, I wouldn’t have believed them! I am truly grateful for everyone who has supported and pushed me during this whole thing. I have met some amazing people so far, and I hope to continue to grow and meet these wonderful souls. With everything going on in the world, this is the light I needed to keep going. Thank you.

As always, if any of you need a place to feel like you belong, someone to talk to, or to make new friends to play games with, head on over to my discord where you’ll be welcomed with open arms! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and I’ll see you soon! ♥

Catch Up?

It’s been a while, and I do apologize. The past month has been a bit hectic, so here I am with some time on my hands.

As of right now, I am currently dying of girl disease (AKA wicked period cramps). I slept at boy’s place until 3PM, got up, came home, did school work and went to dinner with said boy and got sick there… went to his, felt sick again… went home… it was a day!

Now for the events of the past months… During the first month of February, I went to an interview and got hired on the spot! I now work at Ulta Beauty as a beauty adviser and I enjoy it a lot. The best part is that I get to do my makeup more often which means I will be blogging about makeup again! I only work 3-4 days a week which gives me plenty of time to do school work.

Valentine’s Day was great. I worked that day (only 5 hours) and I was surprised to see my boyfriend waltz in to come get me from work. We left and headed to Eat n’ Park (my choosing), and spent the night together. It was really nice and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

School is going well, I have finally caught up after all the new curriculum was added and I’m a little over 25% through my course. I’ve completed over 40 lessons in less than a week and I feel like everything is back on track.

For the next few months, I will be getting back into writing (on here and on my books), streaming and making videos, and school. I’m really happy with how I’m doing and where I’m headed.

A Good Start

Today was the first day using my reward chart, and I didn’t do half bad. I got a couple of hours of work done, and a few lessons. It’s not my main goal for each day, but I think it’s a step in the right direction and I’m proud of myself.

I wasn’t going to give myself the completion heart or flower doodle (I didn’t get stickers today) because I didn’t reach my goal, but I think I earned it because I did my best and I accomplished something. I’m proud of myself and that alone deserves the doodles!

Each day, I will do more work and lessons and eventually I will reach and even surpass my goals for my day-to-day life. I am very happy with myself, and that alone is a reason to celebrate!

I hope everyone had a great Monday and remembers to celebrate the small milestones!

Silver Lining

I was woken up from my nap at 3:40 PM to get some not-so-good news. Once again, the person who was going to be my new therapist cancelled on me only a few hours before the appointment because he just now realized that he didn’t take my insurance. I would have been able to accept this news a bit easier if my first appointment wasn’t pushed back a month and if he sounded even a bit sympathetic.

When I get stressed or upset about something I can’t control, I turn to music. So I turned on my computer and started jumping from song to song. As I was having my own solo dance party, I decided to check my blog and I saw something that I didn’t think I would see for a very long time… I reached 50 followers!

I have been doing this since December 31, and I am still amazed at how many people have enjoyed my content and have taken the time to follow me. Thank you all so much for giving me the drive to keep going and to have confidence in myself. It truly means the world to me.

Slow and Steady

I learned something today… NEVER DO A FULL BODY WORKOUT AT 10 PM. I am happy I forced myself to do it, but I’m definitely going to need it to be a day thing. So the new order is: bathroom stuff, work, exercise, shower, school.

Outside of exercising and doing things other humans do, I left the house and had lunch. I am an attic dweller who forgets to eat, so leaving the house to have food is kind of new territory for me.

Since I got up late today, I lacked a bit of motivation, so I only got a couple of things done on my to-do list. I’m still proud of myself for getting some things done today! I didn’t check off shower, but I did wash off.

For the most part, I’m happy with how today went. There were some problems here and there, but it was overall good. I know I will be sore in the morning, so hopefully getting some rest will prevent a bit of the pain.

A Step in the Right Direction

On January 29, 2018, Paige put a white board on her wall! Not just any white board… a white board with her new routine on it! I probably woke up an hour ago, but my sleep schedule will eventually get better as I follow this routine. I’m not too worried about getting my sleep on track just yet, I just want to have a set of tasks for each day.

On Saturday, I got to see my second cousin, second cousin-in-law, and I finally got to meet my adorable third cousins! It was really fun and I can’t wait to see them again. Sunday, unfortunately, my depression and anxiety went into high gear and I slept all day. I am still a bit shaky and out of it right now, but I’m going to try to work through it.

Back to the board… I have listed everything that I need to do, and things I need to remember to do throughout the day and the week. I will try to set up a habit tracker today, but that’s not exactly at the top of my list.

After I get back from lunch, I will be settling down and getting to work. Since I woke up late, I don’t think I will be able to do a decent amount of work and get 16 lessons done in school, but I will try!

Even though my nerves are shot and my mind is in a million different places, I’m proud of myself. Just putting the board up on my wall is an achievement for me, and I need to remember that every little thing I get done is good.

An Experience

Well, this was something. From drawing all over my eyelid with mascara to my eye shadow brush falling apart, it’s been quite the adventure. I don’t know what’s in this makeup, but my eyes are super itchy right now, so I need to get through this post!

The eye shadow surprised me! It was extremely pigmented and layered really well. The mascara, however, made me sad… it was really dry and flaky, and it was reasonably new.

Sadly, I had to say goodbye to my eye shadow brush. It lived a long life, and applied many an eye shadow. It started with a few bristles, and then the entire top half of the brush fell off. It was a great loss, but I had to move on. Here’s to my fallen brush, e.l.f. eye shadow brush.

I really don’t have much else to report on, but my eyes are watering at this point so I have to go and scrub my face! It was interesting just going with the flow and doing my makeup at 9 o’ clock at night.

Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully I won’t be completely broken out. Here’s to new-ish adventures!

Tired Thoughts

Today, I sat in bed, took care of my pets and took a nap. My mental state isn’t 100% because, on one hand, I feel like I did nothing; on the other hand, I needed to step away and just do nothing.

My life, like many others, is me standing in the middle of a never-ending shit storm holding onto a tiny ball of good. No matter what happens, I hold onto that ball in hopes that one day the storm will clear up and the ball can grow.

If I had to take anything away from today, it’s that the storm that surrounds me is not something I can control, because a majority of the storm is caused by the world around me. I can, however, control that tiny ball of good. I can’t control how people will react or the unexpected, but I can try to maneuver these obstacles with grace.

I’ve come to the realization that I can’t take on every single problem because someone asks me or expects me to. I can’t keep helping people by not helping myself; in the end, I have to live with myself and I am tired of living in a stressed, worn out body.

It will take some time for me to work on this; old habits die hard. As long as I keep working on it, though, it will become easier because I will become stronger.

Tomorrow, I will be writing out my full routine and start fresh Monday morning. I will make time to do everything: makeup, nails, school, work and exercise. If I want a better me, I need to make it.

Keeping it Short

This is going to be a short post, I’m really not feeling well right now and I need to lie down.

I did my nails in the color “soft pink”. It actually went on really well, and it would have definitely looked nice if I actually knew what I was doing! I really like how fast this polish dries and it doesn’t smell too strong. I wouldn’t say it’s the best nail polish I’ve used, but it’s definitely in my top 3 favorites!

If I wasn’t so nauseous, I would write more. I’m going to see if a nap will help and then I will start doing some work when I get up! I hope everyone has an amazing day/night!