Hello everyone, I hope you’re doing well! I know it’s been a while, but I have about 4 or 5 drafts that will be posted over the next couple of weeks. I was supposed to stream today, but due to not feeling well, I decided to write about what I was going to talk about on stream.

For those of you who don’t know, MHM (Mental Health Monday) is a segment that I do where I talk about mental health. Topic range from how I cope with certain things in my day-to-day life to how I’ve grown from situations in my past and everything in between. Sometimes I bring others on and we talk about how we’ve managed to navigate life and relationships with the mental cocktails we’ve been given. If you are new to the blog, welcome and enjoy your stay! If you are coming here from the stream, pretend you just listened to ~30 minutes of me singing and playing ukulele! Let’s dive in!

Since I haven’t been feeling well, I figured I would talk about how I deal with being sick while battling my mind. It might not seem like it’s a battle or anything that big, but it’s something I struggle with every time I’m not feeling well physically. When I get sick, whether it’s just a headache or the flu, I get extremely depressed. The way to feel better is to rest and relax, but slowing down to relax gives me too much time to think which makes my anxiety spike, and resting/sleeping too much makes me extremely depressed. I also get the shakes sometimes, which just makes me self-conscious.

Being sick is never fun for anyone… accept for the kids who get away with it and get to stay home from school. Cartoons and games for hours with not a single teacher in sight! It’s what I attempt to recreate. I spend the day in my pajamas, camp out somewhere that isn’t my bed, binge murder documentaries and play games on my phone. I’m still resting, but I’m distracted enough that I won’t fall down a rabbit hole. There are times that this doesn’t work, though, and that’s kind of what I’m dealing with right now.

This weekend was wonderful. It started with getting Vanish (my dad’s cat) to watch for a week, and then I spent the entire weekend with my absolutely wonderful boyfriend (a post about him will be coming out soon). We went out to dinner with my mother Sunday night and it was great. Unfortunately, I got sick on Thursday (food poisoning) so getting through the weekend was difficult. I still ate well, but I was constantly worried that anything I ate would make me feel worse. Thankfully that didn’t happen, but I still felt lousy. I also slept a lot, which isn’t new to me but because I was sleeping to feel better, I got kind of depressed. I was able to navigate my weekend a bit better because I was surrounded by love and laughter the entire time, but it was still an uphill battle with my mind. Even sitting here writing this… I wanted to stream today but didn’t feel well enough to do so, so I decided to write instead. I wanted to get this post out sooner, but now it’s approaching midnight and I’m still typing. I know I’m doing my best and the people who matter know this, too, but I still feel kind of shitty about it.

The one thing that is helping me through this, though, is the fact that I won’t feel like this forever. Will I feel like this again? Most definitely, but hopefully not for a while after this time. I’ve been through a hell of a lot worse and survived, this is just another small bump in the road.

I know this isn’t the typical MHM, but I think it turned out pretty well! My question for all of you is: What makes you feel better when you’re sick? What comfort foods do you eat when you’re under the weather? What movies do you watch when you’re not feeling well?

I hope you all have a wonderful morning/afternoon/night, and I will be back up and running on Thursday (March 18, 2021) at 3PM EST on twitch! If you need a place to hang out, you can find me there or on discord! You are all so wonderful and I love you all!

Stay well, and I’ll see you soon!

A Day Off

Today, I will not be doing my nails or makeup, or doing work of any kind. I won’t be taking pictures, or planning out my days for the next 6 months. Today, I need to step back and take a day to do absolutely nothing. Before going any further, I would like to say that there is happiness in this post, just bear with me.

In previous posts, I have mentioned my depression and anxiety. I would like to delve a bit further into them in this post. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for almost 13 years, and the mood swing and anger issues that tag along with those.

I find that when I read about depression or anxiety, it’s very textbook and there is barely any emotion behind it. I would like to shed some light on my experiences. Depression and anxiety are, to put it simply, wicked bitches. They’re the girls in high school that get you in trouble, or a long night drinking followed by a day-long hangover and a missing wallet.

My depression comes in waves, whereas my anxiety is always lurking. I have learned to use my anxiety as a way to become more cautious, and to observe everything around me. Depression, on the other hand, I can’t control. Ignoring it just represses it, and accepting it pushes me further down the hole. So how do I deal with this?

Well, I fill my day with the most pointless and meaningful tasks. Keeping busy allows me to work through my depression subconsciously. Not only do I get things done, I start to feel better. I know I said that I won’t be doing a single thing today, but it’s the nothing that I do that will make me feel better. Watching hours of videos and playing phone games and just spacing out.

As sad as I am right now, I know that I am strong enough to get through it, like I always do. So, I’m going to plop myself down with a bag of chips and phone and just be. I know there are plenty of people out there who are going through the same thing, and I hope you all know that it’s okay to just do nothing. There are always more days ahead, and one day won’t be the end of the world. You are your own best friend and enemy. Take the day to learn about yourself, take yourself on a date, talk to yourself and, most importantly, try to be good to yourself.

I know this was a long post, but I feel like it needed to be written. If anyone that sees this needs someone to talk to, please use the contact form or comment. I always have my blog and email open, and will respond as soon as I get anything. You are not alone and I really hate when people tell me this, but it can get better (trust me, I want to punch myself in the face for saying that).