Bottled Up

Have you ever experienced having a thought or making a suggestion and being shutdown, only to have that same idea and thought regurgitated by someone else and everyone thinks it’s great? Yeah, me too. Don’t you just wish you could smack those people right between the eyes?

If it wasn’t apparent, this truly pisses me off. It actually makes my blood boil and I start clawing at my palms. I can’t stand when people turn up their noses to my ideas, just to think it’s a good idea later on and actually suggest it to others. It’s just disrespectful and kind of fucked up. I understand that opinions change over time, but don’t sit there and act like you came up with this great, original plan all on your own.

This is why I keep to myself a lot of the time. I’m tired of being treated like I’m beneath others, and that my thoughts and ideas aren’t valid. I don’t need validation from anyone, but I hate this high school bullshit.

Thankfully, it’s Friday and I can just relax and take the weekend to calm down. I just need to focus on my work, school and the handful of decent people in my life. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend, and don’t let people shut you down. You are amazing and you should own your thoughts. If others are going to disrespect you, shove them aside. It’s just one less birthday card.

I Survived

I just have to look at it as tomorrow is another day if I want to get through this. The days will start to blur together and make months, and those months into years. Eventually, I will spread my wings and soar and be free.

Until then, I will continue to keep my head down, and do my work and enjoy my time with the ones I truly love. I will sleep and wake up, and make my way through this battle against my mind. As long as I keep getting up, I will have a future.

One more day and we’re at the weekend. Sunday, I will be doing something very special for myself. I’m hoping that this thing will make me feel better and get back on track. I will be sharing this experience with all of you on Monday, but it will remain a secret until then. I enjoy secrets and surprises, probably a little too much but it gives me something to focus on.

I hope everyone has a great night and keeps fighting for a better tomorrow.

An Open Letter

Sitting here alone, I’m thinking about every single person I’ve come across in life. I’m thinking about all those that hurt me, and those that push me to the point of trying to take my own life. I still carry the pain, and my body and mind will forever be scarred.

I wonder what it would be like if I could disappear for a while — just fall off the face of the Earth for a few days. I wouldn’t, though. I couldn’t do that to the people who truly care about me or the people who want me gone. I love the ones that are close to me, and I would never let those who hate me win.

I have come too far and have done too much to stop fighting. I am lost, yes, but I can’t stop going. At this point, I’m on autopilot and there’s only one person that drive me to keep trying. I know it will get better, it’s just getting to that point that’s a pain in the ass.

 

A Long Night Ahead

Early this morning, it came to my attention that my school added a lot of work to the curriculum. They added new lessons to existing sections, and a ton of new sections. I will be spending tonight playing catch up with all the new information provided.

I don’t mind learning, I will probably always be a student in one way or another. I do have an issue, though… My notes! I have a very organized binder with a table of contents and page numbers. The new sections will be easy to add in, but the new lessons in the old sections are the issue. I am going to be creating an addendum for the new pages of notes I will have to add so I don’t have to rewrite my table of contents or redo all of the page numbers.

I have a meeting in the morning with an educational coach, and I want to really impress them, so I’m pulling an all night study session! I’m really nervous about this meeting, even though it will be fine. I do well in meetings and interviews, so I have nothing to worry about, but I’m still freaking out!

I’m going to watch a few videos to relax before I dive into my night of work. Wish me luck!

Giving Up

Do you ever have those people in your life that are so blind, that your only two options to deal with them are to either keep putting up with their shit or give up because you can’t put up with it anymore? I have too many of these people.

Normally when people give up on something, it’s seen as a defeat. When I give up, I feel like a failure or a loser, but I have come to the realization that it’s not my fault. I can only control what I do and who I am, and I try my best everyday. The people who are closest to me know I try. If someone comes into my life and can only see me as a bad person, then I give up on them.

I don’t see giving up in this situation as a bad thing. I didn’t fail, and I’m not a loser. I will not kick myself for trying, because that’s all I can do. I still wake up everyday and I do my best to get done what I need and want to. I am not a bad person, nor will I continue to see myself as one because others see me that way.

I feel slightly relieved, but also sad. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to realize that I’m a good person and not some monster. I am a bitch, and a wicked one at that, but I’m not the ball of evil that I was made out to be.

Memory Hiccup

Due to bad memory and a lot of things going on, I forgot about my month-iversary. We technically have two days because of the time difference, so we will be celebrating more tomorrow, too. We had fun today, though. We played games, watched a movie and just enjoyed each other’s company. It’s the simple things that make the best memories.

I know it’s kind of silly to celebrate each month, but time is a very big part of a LDR. Whether the days seem to be dragging on or moving at light speed, time is still moving and every second counts. It’s nice to have these little milestones to show us that we’re still going strong.

Like any relationship, LDRs take just as much work and communication. The only main difference is the lack of being physical, and I don’t mean sexually. Not being able to cuddle or hold their hand can drive you to the point of trying to reach through your screen. One thing that I find helps is talking about all the things we’re going to do when we’re together… which is basically everything we do now, but in person and with kissing!

Happy Month-iversary, sweetheart. Here’s to many more!

Exhausted

I woke up at 3 AM today and I regret not going back to sleep. I don’t know why I woke up then, but hopefully I will make it through the day without taking a nap. I did get some work done, though, and I got to talk to my boyfriend so I’m not complaining.

We’re going to watch a movie soon, but we’re still deciding on what to watch. As simple as watching a movie is, I truly cherish every moment I spend with him. Getting to look over and know he’s there makes my entire day. I just hope that I don’t fall asleep during the movie like I usually do.

I’m too tired to keep writing, but I will hopefully be more awake tonight. Have a good day, everyone!

Next Topic

Over the next week, as I play around with this site, I will be writing about new topics and old ones more in-depth. Everything from mental health to relationships and everything in between. The only two subjects that I will not touch are religion and politics, though I may tell stories of funny encounters I’ve had with the topics.

Moving on, I added a new section called Chitchat. As I grow, this will be a place where everyone can talk and share their opinions or ideas. I found a lot of comfort in sharing my thoughts through writing, and I figured it would be nice to have a place here for everyone to do just that.

I also have yet another secret project underway that I have been working on for the past couple of weeks. Only a couple of other people know about it and I think it would be a good addition to Rooplixoo. I finally have a space to create and free my mind, so I’m taking full advantage of my time and the little focus that I have to keep things going.

Open During Construction

It’s finally happened! After months of looking through the same handful of themes, I picked one. I am extremely happy with the layout, but I still have a lot of work to do on it! There are so many new features with this theme, so I will be playing around with it for the next few days.

On top of a new look, I am starting to get back into taking pictures, and playing around with my setup so I can create even more content for Rooplixoo. I am so excited that I’m finally getting around to doing all of these side projects, I finally feel confident in the direction I’m moving in. Who knew a new theme would reboot my creativity?

I didn’t sleep last night, so I’m a tad punchy right now. I’m going to try to get a few more hours of work in today before I crash.

Happy Monday everyone!

Busy Bee

Today and my weekend will be filled with work, school and I will finally be getting around to giving this blog a much-needed remodel. I spent all last night thinking about everything I want to do and how I want to go about doing it.

First of all, I need to update my about page. It’s a bit outdated now that I’m not just focusing on makeup and being girly. After I do that, I will be good to move onto phase two of the update which will consist of a new layout. The layout I have now was good in the beginning but now I need something a bit different.

Once I have Rooplixoo looking the way I want it to, I will be covering a wide range of topics. I have really limited myself with what I write about now and I want to truly put myself out there and talk about anything and everything. With a name like Rooplixoo, I have the freedom to create content about whatever pops into my mind.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday and a great weekend!