Yesterday into last night, I had the talk… not the sex talk (I’m a bit too old for that). This talk was about feelings. Before I get into the bulk of it, I will tell you a story about the last time I was really confronted with my feelings and it was a bit of a horror story.
I was 12, and I was good at it. I was awkward and bitchy and just started to really hate my body. The joys of puberty! Now, I had a crush on this boy in my class for a while, and being the shy girl that I was, there was no way in hell that I was going to say anything. Eventually, it ended up coming out on the playground and my secret spread like wildfire. I was so mortified and upset that I didn’t go back to school for a few days. In my absence, things only got worse, as they do in middle school.
Fast forward to last night… I have since gotten over that day in 7th grade, but I’m still awkward and uncomfortable with talking about my feelings and will shy away. My heart was pounding and I’m pretty sure every butterfly in existence got nice and comfortable in my tummy. Writing about it now, I’m still nervous and freaking out.
Last night, I grew a pair for about 5 seconds, said how I feel the good feelings and then made the whole thing awkward and acted like a freak, as I do. I’m happy, believe me, I am, but I am a wreck because I just am. I can be loud and outgoing about the most ridiculous things, but the minute the question, “Do you like me?” is asked, I lose all sense of how to act like a human being.
Like I said, I’m happy, I just hate that I’m in a constant state of blushing and not making eye contact.
Over the past x-amount of months, my boyfriend and I have spent hours every day talking to each other. Even if we only have a few minutes to talk, we make sure to call one another. We haven’t missed a day yet, and we don’t plan on it.
In every call, we laugh, talk, watch videos together, and just enjoy being together. There have been times where we just sit together doing our own things, without saying much, for hours on end. It’s comforting to me just knowing that he’s there. Even when I’m at work, we talk (if he’s still awake, that is).
We talk every day, but each call holds memories and love. As sad as I get when we say goodnight and the call ends, I’m still happy that I got to spend time with him.
Due to bad memory and a lot of things going on, I forgot about my month-iversary. We technically have two days because of the time difference, so we will be celebrating more tomorrow, too. We had fun today, though. We played games, watched a movie and just enjoyed each other’s company. It’s the simple things that make the best memories.
I know it’s kind of silly to celebrate each month, but time is a very big part of a LDR. Whether the days seem to be dragging on or moving at light speed, time is still moving and every second counts. It’s nice to have these little milestones to show us that we’re still going strong.
Like any relationship, LDRs take just as much work and communication. The only main difference is the lack of being physical, and I don’t mean sexually. Not being able to cuddle or hold their hand can drive you to the point of trying to reach through your screen. One thing that I find helps is talking about all the things we’re going to do when we’re together… which is basically everything we do now, but in person and with kissing!
Happy Month-iversary, sweetheart. Here’s to many more!