Tag: love

Rooplixoo's Schedule: Mondays @ 10AM EST - Just Chatting/New Games, Wednesdays @ 10PM EST - Horror/Multiplayer, Fridays @ 10PM EST - Rage Games, Saturdays @ 10PM EST - Stardew Valley (modded/challenge runs), January 30 (time TBD) - Podcast livestream

Happy 2022!

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Hello everyone! How have you been? We haven’t spoken since last year (which is my fault, and I’m sorry). I truly hope you’ve all been doing amazing and wonderful things since we last hung out!

I know I didn’t post much last year; 2021 was very trying on my mental and physical health, but I took some time and now we’re back! I have so many things I want to tell all of you, but more importantly, I want to share with you what my new schedule is and what to expect for the rest of January 2022!

So to kick this off, I am now the proud owner of a bullet journal (which I will be giving a tour of at some point). I have made it a personal goal to get my shit together so I can really give my all to Rooplixoo. It has been a little over 4 years since I started this journey, and there’s no way we’re stopping! Since creating my bullet journal yesterday, I’ve been able to set a schedule (which you can see above) that not only works for me, but optimizes my time and energy, allowing me to do what I want and love to do! There was a lot of erasing and moving things around, but I’m finally happy with how it’s set and I’m really looking forward to the upcoming weeks!

Next on the agenda, we are bringing back the podcast! I know I’ve said this before, but last year having a podcast to record and upload every week became extremely overwhelming. So this time around, we are having one episode a month done live on Twitch, then downloaded and posted here, Spotify, and Youtube!

Speaking of Youtube, that’s going to be starting up, too! I have a few video in the works, and I’m hoping to start uploading them by the end of next month! It will mostly be video games, but there will be some art and crafts, vlogs, and other fun things posted there!

Finally, I am doing the Year of Pictures challenge over on Instagram, where I take a photo everyday of 2022! Some of them will be of me, a lot of them will be of my cats!

All in all, I am super excited for 2022! I have a wonderful group of people that have been pushing me to keep going and I can’t thank them enough! I have so many things planned and I can’t wait to share it with all of you! If any of you keep up with everything that’s going on across the platforms, click the links above and make sure to follow so you can be notified whenever something new is going on!

I want to thank you all so much for 4 years of continued support and love! I can’t wait to see where this year takes us! Keep kicking ass and I’ll see you all soon! ♥

Spending Time ≠ Spending Money

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Yesterday, I was lucky enough to celebrate an anniversary with my best friend. Two years ago, I was in a really rough spot emotionally, and I was losing myself. He dropped everything and flew out here from the other side of the world to make sure I was okay. He was here for 2 weeks, and it was perfect. We were both so excited to finally meet in person after endless skype calls and Minecraft adventures, but we were not ready for what happened – we ended up falling for each other. It was powerful and scary and overwhelming, but so easy and beautiful. At that point, though, we weren’t in positions separately to be together. He went home, and we both went back to our lives. We kept in touch, but it changed. Neither of us knew how the other one felt, and we were too nervous to actually admit our feelings until this year. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.

With all of that being said, let’s move our attention to the title of this post. Recently, I’ve seen a handful of people in my life talk about how much money was spent, or lack there of, and it’s been really getting to me. My relationship is in the “unique” position of being long distance, so we celebrated our anniversary over Discord. We watched videos and played games, and spent time together. Yes, we exchanged gifts, but they weren’t the focal point. The day was to celebrate our love for each other, and no amount of money or gifts could come close to how special love and time are. When we talk about our wedding, were going to elope and go to dinner. We dream of the days that we can make the bed together, and have picnics on the living room floor, and catch a glimpse of the ISS.

We went over all of our adventures when he was out here, and one of our favorites was when we went into the city and had to go coffee shop hopping because my phone kept dying. We were hopped up on caffeine and it was freezing out, but we people watched and talked and explored each other’s minds. It was honestly a perfect day, and I can’t wait to do it again. We took so many pictures and shared many more laughs, and that’s how the entire trip was. We laughed and explored and were just with each other – and whether or not we realized then that we were falling for each other, we know now and we look back on October 26, 2019 (26 Oct. 2019 for those who don’t use the mm/dd/yyyy) as the day that our hearts became one.

Our dates now are different due to the distance, but we still make it work. We eat together and watch movies on Netflix, and we play games and fall asleep in calls. Yes, we have bought things for each other because we love to give gifts and see the other one light up, but we never expect to get anything. All we want is each other, and that’s how it should be. I’ve been in so many relationships (romantic and platonic) where the others would expect to get gifts or to be paid for, which I don’t mind doing but it just seemed like the physical was more important than the emotional. I am aware that all of this fits into the different love languages, but the foundation of any relationship shouldn’t be it’s monetary value.

Well, that’s all I needed to say. This thought has been rattling around in my brain for a couple of weeks, but it really hit me yesterday and I needed to get it out and written down before I exploded. I hope you all have a wonderful day and are getting hyped for Halloween! I will see you all soon! Keep kicking ass ♥

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”

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Wow, who would have thought that I would put a Shakespeare quote on my blog, never mind put it in a title. The quote will make sense in a moment, but first.. Hello everyone, it’s me. How are you? I wish I could say I’m doing well and that everything is grand, but the truth is that 2020 has been a shitshow for everyone and it just keeps going.

In my last post, I was talking about a lot of the plans I had for Rooplixoo. I’m still going through with all of those, and nothing will hold me or this whole thing back. There have been a lot of hiccups along the way, especially over the past couple of weeks and I’m taking some time to process everything that has happened, but we will overcome whatever heads in our direction.

I think everyone here realizes that in terms of fight or flight, I walk the fine line between the two and veer off into fight every once in a while. Honestly, I am so tired of fighting but it’s better than lying down and giving up. As for the title, I’m tired of not speaking up as much as I should. This lady is going to protest as much as she damn well pleases. I am a basket case on a mission, armed with knowledge and the will to keep going.

I can say for a fact that I have killed off a lot of my braincells trying to get a point across to mind-numbingly dense people, but I keep going in hopes that I might be heard or at least make someone think.

Now to bring this post home – I am going to protest to my heart’s content; my parents raised a fool, not a bitch. I am a good person. I know a lot more than I lead on. I am my own person. I will not be blamed for situations that I was not aware of. I am strong and capable, and will rise from the ashes of my past. I am me, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

I love you all. I’m not okay right now; I’ve gone through the motions of losing and starting over, but I will be okay. You have all given me the power to find the strength within myself to keep going. It’s not always easy. I’m a magnet for bullshit (I swear it’s hereditary), but I’m not going to sit here and be scared or ashamed of being myself… not anymore.

How to Feel

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Hey, it’s been a while? How are you doing? How’s life? Me? Well, I’m okay, just a bit lost…

Last month, I got to meet my best friend. You know who he is. He helped me realize that I am a good person, and that what I went through isn’t my fault. How I handled it was bad, but I’m not a bad person.

A couple weeks ago, I ended up losing someone from my life that meant a great deal to me. This person was the first person I opened up to and also the first person I regret pushing out of my life. I know I hurt you, and it’s the biggest regret I have. I miss you, and I still care about you. You and I mirrored each other in humor and attitude. I don’t remember one call that we had that we didn’t laugh, even the last one had a couple of giggles… But as much as I hurt you, you hurt me. We both made promises that we didn’t keep, and I’m sorry. I am truly sorry.

I cried for days after the night we said “I love you”, but not because I was happy… I was happy, but it’s what was said after that stung. I still loved you and would do anything for you. You were my best friend, and I still care. I was always loyal, up until you changed your relationship on Facebook. I was happy for you… That’s a lie, but I was happy you were happy. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.

I miss you, and I hate that I can’t say “Hi” anymore. The letter wasn’t meant to push you away or to hurt you, but it did and that’s my b. There’s a lot you and I have to talk about, and when you’re ready, you know how to reach me. I can’t promise it will be comfortable or even tolerable, but I need you to know what happened.

I know you will probably never see this, but if you do, I’m trying to be okay but it’s hard.

I’m trying my best right now, because we still walk under the same sun.

Quality Time

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Over the past x-amount of months, my boyfriend and I have spent hours every day talking to each other. Even if we only have a few minutes to talk, we make sure to call one another. We haven’t missed a day yet, and we don’t plan on it.

In every call, we laugh, talk, watch videos together, and just enjoy being together. There have been times where we just sit together doing our own things, without saying much, for hours on end. It’s comforting to me just knowing that he’s there. Even when I’m at work, we talk (if he’s still awake, that is).

We talk every day, but each call holds memories and love. As sad as I get when we say goodnight and the call ends, I’m still happy that I got to spend time with him.

The Small Things

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Nothing really eventful happened, but I did get to spend time with my mom. We sat on the couch, ate sandwiches and watched Undercover Boss. We also played Word Whomp on her phone, which we’ve played for years. We’re both so stressed and wound up all the time, but it brings me comfort to know we can sit down and do nothing together.

I’m not the easiest person to get along with, not by a long shot, but she knows how to work around my moods. I can be a downright bitch, and she still loves me and I can never repay her for being the mother and friend I’ve needed and wanted.

We don’t always see eye to eye, but at the end of the day, family is all that matters. I will always be grateful for all the nights she stayed up when I had a fever, and all the early mornings that we did crafts together.

I’m beyond lucky to have her as a mom, and I hope she knows that even though I can be an unbearable mess that I always love and respect her.

I love you, mama!

Three Words

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I have waited so long to be able to say and hear these three words for a very long time now. These three words represent something so pure and genuine, and it makes my heart flutter and my mind race every time I hear it.

I have had these words said to me by family and friends. Having it said to me warms my soul, but getting to say it is the greatest thing I get to do during the day. There is so much pain and sadness in the world, and these words make it disappear for a moment.

The only thing better than speaking these words, is to show it. Acting on these words and opening yourself up to the ones around you is a feeling that I can’t begin to describe. To be vulnerable around someone and know that your safe is one of the most wonderful things that can happen.

I love you. I love you more than I will ever be able to show, and I will spend the rest of my days making you feel loved. I trust you with my heart, and no matter what happens, you will always have it.

Thank you for letting me love you. More importantly, thank you for loving me.

Beauty is Pain

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I know what you’re going to ask…. “Paige, why is the main picture of you lying down with your shirt on backwards?” Well, kind reader, I got another tattoo! I spent my Sunday afternoon face down with a needle in my back. In that picture, I look like I’m in pain, which I was and still am, but the result was worth it!

new tattoo

My tattoo is of forget-me-nots, based off of a painting by Mary Walcott. This is my 6th tattoo, and by far the most painful. I absolutely love forget-me-not flowers. They’re flowers are tiny and sweet, and hold a very special place in my heart as far as flowers are concerned.

Forget-me-nots make me feel not so insignificant. If such a tiny flower can thrive and grow, I can, too. I will not be forgotten, nor disregarded. They remind me that even though I have experienced a lot of loss, that the memories will live on. Outside of the deeper meaning they have for me, they’re blue and I absolutely love blue!

When I got my first tattoo (which I will go into in another post), I swore to myself that I would never get another one. Now that I’m here waiting for my most recent one to heal, I love all of my tattoos. They have given me confidence to love my body.

Did I ever think I would be 22 with blue hair and tattoos? No, not in 3 lifetimes, but I’m finally able to hold my head high and love myself.

Starting Now

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Today’s the day that I write about him… sort of. I still won’t be mentioning his name or anything personal, but I am tired of not writing about this guy. He’s a major part of my life and I think it’s only fair to write a piece about him on this blog. I wouldn’t be where I am emotionally if it weren’t for him and I want to share this. I am currently with him and he doesn’t know I’m writing about him (but he did just ask me if I was writing my post).

Every time I sit down to write about him, all of my thoughts blur together because there’s so much to say. I never know where to begin, so I guess I’ll start of by saying how truly amazing he is. I have never met someone so genuine and pure, and he amazes me everyday. For once in my life, I don’t feel alone and I never thought I would feel that way.

This paragraph was going to be about my feelings for him, but I don’t really know how to put it in words. I feel like I’m in high school again, falling in love for the first time. I get butterflies and forget how to talk, and everything feels light and heavy at the same time. I find myself smiling for no reason at all, and just looking at him makes me feel safe.

I’m struggling to figure out what it is about him; everything feels different this time, and it still shocks me that we’re together. I fall for him every day. I finally found my home.

Them

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Everyday, I spend my mornings in calls with people I enjoy. Sometimes it’s one-on-one, and other times it’s like a Party Line. I normally have one of two rolls: listening as everyone else talks, or carrying the conversation with stupid comments and bad jokes.

There’s one person in particular that I always listen to. This person I would give up my life if it meant they would smile for a moment. All I want to do is go on adventures with them, and hold them when they’re sad. Making them laugh is my greatest accomplishment in life, only next to going back to school. The only selfish thing I do to this person is that I plan on keeping them, because I don’t know what I would do without them.

They make me feel safe, and that I will never be alone again. They’re proud of me, and not ashamed to show me off to their friends. They celebrate my accomplishments with me, and comfort me when I’m sad. Most importantly, they make me feel like I’m home.

They are my home.