The Small Things

Nothing really eventful happened, but I did get to spend time with my mom. We sat on the couch, ate sandwiches and watched Undercover Boss. We also played Word Whomp on her phone, which we’ve played for years. We’re both so stressed and wound up all the time, but it brings me comfort to know we can sit down and do nothing together.

I’m not the easiest person to get along with, not by a long shot, but she knows how to work around my moods. I can be a downright bitch, and she still loves me and I can never repay her for being the mother and friend I’ve needed and wanted.

We don’t always see eye to eye, but at the end of the day, family is all that matters. I will always be grateful for all the nights she stayed up when I had a fever, and all the early mornings that we did crafts together.

I’m beyond lucky to have her as a mom, and I hope she knows that even though I can be an unbearable mess that I always love and respect her.

I love you, mama!

Three Words

I have waited so long to be able to say and hear these three words for a very long time now. These three words represent something so pure and genuine, and it makes my heart flutter and my mind race every time I hear it.

I have had these words said to me by family and friends. Having it said to me warms my soul, but getting to say it is the greatest thing I get to do during the day. There is so much pain and sadness in the world, and these words make it disappear for a moment.

The only thing better than speaking these words, is to show it. Acting on these words and opening yourself up to the ones around you is a feeling that I can’t begin to describe. To be vulnerable around someone and know that your safe is one of the most wonderful things that can happen.

I love you. I love you more than I will ever be able to show, and I will spend the rest of my days making you feel loved. I trust you with my heart, and no matter what happens, you will always have it.

Thank you for letting me love you. More importantly, thank you for loving me.

Beauty is Pain

I know what you’re going to ask…. “Paige, why is the main picture of you lying down with your shirt on backwards?” Well, kind reader, I got another tattoo! I spent my Sunday afternoon face down with a needle in my back. In that picture, I look like I’m in pain, which I was and still am, but the result was worth it!

new tattoo

My tattoo is of forget-me-nots, based off of a painting by Mary Walcott. This is my 6th tattoo, and by far the most painful. I absolutely love forget-me-not flowers. They’re flowers are tiny and sweet, and hold a very special place in my heart as far as flowers are concerned.

Forget-me-nots make me feel not so insignificant. If such a tiny flower can thrive and grow, I can, too. I will not be forgotten, nor disregarded. They remind me that even though I have experienced a lot of loss, that the memories will live on. Outside of the deeper meaning they have for me, they’re blue and I absolutely love blue!

When I got my first tattoo (which I will go into in another post), I swore to myself that I would never get another one. Now that I’m here waiting for my most recent one to heal, I love all of my tattoos. They have given me confidence to love my body.

Did I ever think I would be 22 with blue hair and tattoos? No, not in 3 lifetimes, but I’m finally able to hold my head high and love myself.

Starting Now

Today’s the day that I write about him… sort of. I still won’t be mentioning his name or anything personal, but I am tired of not writing about this guy. He’s a major part of my life and I think it’s only fair to write a piece about him on this blog. I wouldn’t be where I am emotionally if it weren’t for him and I want to share this. I am currently with him and he doesn’t know I’m writing about him (but he did just ask me if I was writing my post).

Every time I sit down to write about him, all of my thoughts blur together because there’s so much to say. I never know where to begin, so I guess I’ll start of by saying how truly amazing he is. I have never met someone so genuine and pure, and he amazes me everyday. For once in my life, I don’t feel alone and I never thought I would feel that way.

This paragraph was going to be about my feelings for him, but I don’t really know how to put it in words. I feel like I’m in high school again, falling in love for the first time. I get butterflies and forget how to talk, and everything feels light and heavy at the same time. I find myself smiling for no reason at all, and just looking at him makes me feel safe.

I’m struggling to figure out what it is about him; everything feels different this time, and it still shocks me that we’re together. I fall for him every day. I finally found my home.

Them

Everyday, I spend my mornings in calls with people I enjoy. Sometimes it’s one-on-one, and other times it’s like a Party Line. I normally have one of two rolls: listening as everyone else talks, or carrying the conversation with stupid comments and bad jokes.

There’s one person in particular that I always listen to. This person I would give up my life if it meant they would smile for a moment. All I want to do is go on adventures with them, and hold them when they’re sad. Making them laugh is my greatest accomplishment in life, only next to going back to school. The only selfish thing I do to this person is that I plan on keeping them, because I don’t know what I would do without them.

They make me feel safe, and that I will never be alone again. They’re proud of me, and not ashamed to show me off to their friends. They celebrate my accomplishments with me, and comfort me when I’m sad. Most importantly, they make me feel like I’m home.

They are my home.

A Very Special Weekend

This weekend, something very special happened. I got to celebrate a year of friendship with my two best friends in the world. We knew each other for a bit longer than a year, but we didn’t make itĀ Facebook official until a year ago.

Like any other call, we spent it playing games and telling bad jokes. It was a perfect night with perfect people. I am truly happy I have these two in my life, and I hope that never changes.

Happy Monday everyone!

You Don’t Know

You don’t know this yet, but I love you. From the way that you smile when you get nervous, to the endless dreams we share with each other. It warms my heart to just be in your presence. Your eyes give me hope, and your voice eases me.

You don’t know this yet, but I am head over heels for the future – our future. All the small things we will get to do together, and the countless adventures we will go on. I am so nervous about it, but having you by my side gives me the ability to stand tall.

You don’t know this, but I always have and will fight for you. No battle is too great as long as I have you. No matter what happens, I will do my best to protect you.

You don’t know this yet, but you are me, and I am you.

Love

When I was in 9th grade, my English teacher assigned the class to defineĀ love. Me being the edgy teenager that I was thought love was a waste of time, and wrote about how it was pretty much the stupidest thing.

Then I saw Friends: The One with the Prom Video….

lobster

I had seen the episode before, but for some reason, it spoke to me. Love wasn’t stupid or outrageous, it was just hard to find. I then realized that my definition wasn’t exactly right.

Love is one of those things that the definition is different from person to person. There is no right or wrong answer to the question “What is love?” Most of the time, it can’t even be described.

 

Growing Stronger

Today, I wrote about two people who mean the world to me and how they kept me growing. What I didn’t mention is the strength they gave me and how much they helped me realize how strong I truly am.

I never thought of myself as strong, rather as someone who needed to be tough. What I’ve learned, though, is that being strong doesn’t mean standing alone and taking on the world by yourself. Everyone needs someone, whether it be for a laugh or a hug. We learn how to deal with what’s thrown at us from watching and interacting with others.

These two wonderful people, as well as others in my life, have helped me reach the conclusion that I am strong, I have potential and that I can make it in this world. Best of all, I never have to walk alone.

The Family We Make

Last night, I was thinking about the past couple years and the people who came and went. I started thinking about two people specifically, who literally are two of the greatest people I know. These two go by the names Jordi and Alex.

These two boys are the most outrageous people I know, and I love them to bits. From terrible jokes that don’t make any sense to endless conversations about anything and everything, I don’t know where I would be without them. They’re my best friends and, more importantly, my family.

A majority of our time together is spent playing games, watching videos, laughing about the most random and irrelevant things, sleeping (I have a habit of falling asleep at my computer) and just being there for each other. I am not a people person, but these beautiful guys broke my shell and now I actually enjoy socializing.

I’m not the easiest person to get along with, not by a long shot, but they stuck by me through pretty much everything and I can’t thank them enough for the joy, comfort and support that they have given me.

So guys, time to get sappy. Jordi, Alex… we’re a bunch of assholes and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love you guys and here’s to many more years of bad jokes and great drinks!