A Lesson

The past week had some ups and downs, but the good outweighs the bad. I learned something that I wish I had known years ago; it would have saved me a lot of pain.

I learned that just because you let people into your life, it doesn’t mean you owe them you entire life. What I mean is that I would constantly try to take care of new friends but they weren’t there for me on the same level. I would end up turning into a shoulder to cry on and if all else failed, I was the backup plan.

There are very few people who I would give my all and more to, and that’s because they don’t expect it. I would do anything for these few to see them smile, even if it means I have to leave them alone.

I was spread too thin, lost my way and was unable to feel like I was enough. I’m making my way back now, and even though it’s beyond difficult, I’m not doing it alone.

Finding My Way

I’m starting to settle into my new, insane schedule and it’s nice. I have something to do with myself 8 hours a day and it forces me to deal with difficult situations. I was extremely proud of myself today. I messed up a few times, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t try.

I have met a lot of interesting people, both on staff and that come in for coffee, and that never would have happened if I didn’t come to this job. Even the not-so-pleasant ones entertain me. At the end of the day, I am exhausted to the point that I don’t even want to eat and I’m in autopilot, but I don’t dread getting up everyday nearly as much as I thought I would.

I hope everyone had a wonderful day and sleeps well! I know as soon as I’m done writing this, I am going to sleep.

I’m Learning

Even though I’ve only been there for 3 days, I’m picking up on a lot of what needs to be done. It’s hectic and stressful but, for the most part, I keep cool and push through it all. I’m proud of myself and self-pride is a rarity for me.

I’m one of the lucky few to say that they somewhat enjoy what they’re doing as far as work is concerned. Yes, it’s hard and I haven’t been there long at all, but I actually feel like I can work there.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, and if you’re going to be working like I am, try to make it fun!

The Small Things

Nothing really eventful happened, but I did get to spend time with my mom. We sat on the couch, ate sandwiches and watched Undercover Boss. We also played Word Whomp on her phone, which we’ve played for years. We’re both so stressed and wound up all the time, but it brings me comfort to know we can sit down and do nothing together.

I’m not the easiest person to get along with, not by a long shot, but she knows how to work around my moods. I can be a downright bitch, and she still loves me and I can never repay her for being the mother and friend I’ve needed and wanted.

We don’t always see eye to eye, but at the end of the day, family is all that matters. I will always be grateful for all the nights she stayed up when I had a fever, and all the early mornings that we did crafts together.

I’m beyond lucky to have her as a mom, and I hope she knows that even though I can be an unbearable mess that I always love and respect her.

I love you, mama!

The Strangest Thing

Over the past couple of days, my boyfriend and I have realized something we have in common: we are major nerds. We have spent hours watching videos and doing research on the original equator and how ancient civilizations connect to one another.

We keep bouncing ideas off of each other and getting excited when we reach the same conclusion. We’re learning a lot and coming up with our own theories, and I have never felt so happy about staring at a screen.

My mind is fried but I want to keep going… I need to keep going. I love learning about history and ancient cultures.