I am extremely tired, physically and mentally. I keep trying and pushing forward, I just wish it could go faster. I feel like I’m being held down by everyone else’s problems, and I can’t do it anymore. I’m not in the position to go off the grid and disappear yet, but I can let my mind go and wander.
If I let my mental state run away, I think I would be better off. I would be a bit of a robot, but maybe that would be better right now. I will still care and have feelings, just not as many. I can’t control the situations that surround me, but I can control myself.
I’m going to let go for a while, and I will just focus on my future; I won’t have one if I give up, so I need to keep going.
I had a rough morning, which was brightened by hearing my boyfriend’s voice. After that call, I started thinking about they layout of my blog… again! I still need to find a new theme, but I would like to start writing about long distance relationships (LDR). It won’t always be about romantic relationships, but about friendships as well.
I have been in many LDRs, including my current relationship. My last in person relationship was a few years ago, and that’s when I realized that the chances of the one being within walking distance is slim to none. The only thing that differs from long distance and in person is the physical aspect, but the rest of it is the same. We have our date nights and play games, we fall asleep together and send good morning texts.
Almost all of my friends are in another country, with the exception of a few who are in different states. With the ever-changing world of technology, it has really opened up my world and the past 6 years of my life would be completely different if it wasn’t for the internet. I found some of my greatest friends and the one because of something we take for granted, and it still amazes me that I know these people.
I want to be able to write about my experiences with distance, because I think it’s a good outlet for introverts and people who feel completely alone. There’s a whole world out there and each call is like a mini vacation.
Last night, I was thinking about the past couple years and the people who came and went. I started thinking about two people specifically, who literally are two of the greatest people I know. These two go by the names Jordi and Alex.
These two boys are the most outrageous people I know, and I love them to bits. From terrible jokes that don’t make any sense to endless conversations about anything and everything, I don’t know where I would be without them. They’re my best friends and, more importantly, my family.
A majority of our time together is spent playing games, watching videos, laughing about the most random and irrelevant things, sleeping (I have a habit of falling asleep at my computer) and just being there for each other. I am not a people person, but these beautiful guys broke my shell and now I actually enjoy socializing.
I’m not the easiest person to get along with, not by a long shot, but they stuck by me through pretty much everything and I can’t thank them enough for the joy, comfort and support that they have given me.
So guys, time to get sappy. Jordi, Alex… we’re a bunch of assholes and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love you guys and here’s to many more years of bad jokes and great drinks!
Today was a day where everything felt slightly off. Nothing went wrong, but nothing was 100% okay. I don’t feel weird, but everything around me does. It’s hard to explain. Maybe I’m just tired.
I got a lot of thinking done… school, my future, life in general. I went into my mind with a few questions and left with more. Some of my questions were answered with day dreams, and others I didn’t have the time to get to. It was interesting, and I’m happy I did it. I kind of have a plan again, which I lost along the way.
Tomorrow is Friday, which means we survived another week! My night will probably consist of work, videos/movies, games, bad jokes and passing out at my computer. I might legally be an adult, but I’m still young enough to be a kid and I will continue to be one until I’m shriveled up and can barely hold a mouse or a controller.