Tag: family

What I Wanted to Say

Published on by RooLeave a comment

It’s been a while, and that’s my fault… I pushed those away who were pure and I put up walls that I don’t know will ever be able to be fully destroyed. I weaved such beautiful tapestries to hide behind, as to not hurt anyone else.

I lost my way, and no matter what I say or do, it cannot change my actions, only alter how I move forward. I still follow you guys, watching your happiness and achievements, still wishing the best for all of you. I still hold all of you close to my heart, even if I’m just holding onto an illusion at this point.

I know I’m not well, and I will eventually gain the strength to fix it, but at least I’m aware now. I’m not brave, nor strong, but I have made progress… I am beyond proud of each and every one of you. You’re strong and beautiful and smart, and I’m lucky enough to say that I had you in my life, even if it was for a brief moment.

I hope your lives are full of light, even in the darkest moments. I hope you can see the beauty in yourselves. Finally, I hope that no matter what, you know that even though time has passed, that the part of me that’s still around kept will always be there for you guys.

You guys were my family, and I will always see it that way. I am truly sorry for what I did, and I don’t expect forgiveness or open arms, but I needed to apologize.

Now, go live life to the fullest, and stay as safe as you can in all of your journeys. You guys have done such great things, and I know all of your dreams will come true.

My Trip

Published on by RooLeave a comment

This weekend was very much-needed. I got to spend it with not only my mom, but my family, and I finally feel like I belong. Though the trip was initially sad, it came with a lot of good memories.

We arrived at the hotel on Friday night, and we were completely exhausted. We checked in and got settled into the room. This room was truly amazing; we had a full kitchen and a mini living room, as well as a bedroom and bathroom. I’ve spent a lot of my life in hotels because of moving, and this one had to be one of my favorites. After we got some amazing Mexican food, we stayed in for the rest of the night.

Saturday was a rough one. We tried to keep our spirits up, but it was hard. Saturday, we finally buried my grandmother. Along with me and my mother, our family joined us as we said goodbye. It meant a lot to have everyone together. We ended up heading back to my great-uncle’s house and popped open a bottle of champagne. We decided to celebrate life then to mourn. I drank a bit too much, but I remember feeling happy to have family around. We ended up going out to dinner and spending the night talking.

Sunday was a bit easier. In the morning, I gave my mother a necklace and we headed over to my grandfather’s house (dad’s side) and had breakfast and hung out for a few hours. When we left, we had the greatest Mother’s Day lunch/dinner ever. We got 30 burgers and a large fries from white castle! We can’t get white castle where we are, so jumped at the opportunity.

Monday we hit the road and headed back. I hate that we had to leave, but knowing that we will go back makes it easier.

Just Got Back

Published on by RooLeave a comment

Here marks the end of another adventure. This weekend, my mother and I packed the car and made our way to New Jersey. It wasn’t as long as I would have liked it to be, but knowing that it won’t be the last time makes saying “see you later” a bit easier.

I am too tired to go into detail about the trip right now. We spent the entire day driving back and getting settled in. I am so happy we took this trip together, and made even more memories that I will hold onto forever.

I promise I will have a more exciting post tomorrow, but I will be heading to bed now. I hope everyone sleeps well!

Getting Back on the Road

Published on by RooLeave a comment

Our weekend is finally coming to an end and we will be heading back “home” as soon as the car is packed. I hate leaving, especially considering where I’m going back to, but I don’t have another choice at this point.

This weekend was rough, but being with family made it easier. I never really had a chance to know my family (due to certain circumstances) and I’m very happy I have the chance to know them now. I’ve always put a lot of importance on spending time with family, and I finally got to do just that.

I hope everyone had a great weekend, and a beautiful Mother’s Day!

Gotta Get Moving

Published on by RooLeave a comment

In a few hours, my mother and I will be heading to New Jersey, so I need to finish packing. We pretty much have everything we need in the dining room, we just need to get it packed and in the car.

It’s about a 6 hour drive, which isn’t too bad considering we moved across country twice. I think it’ll be good for us to get out of the house for a few days. This trip isn’t going to be the happiest one, but we always find a way to smile through the pain.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday and a great weekend!

The Small Things

Published on by RooLeave a comment

Nothing really eventful happened, but I did get to spend time with my mom. We sat on the couch, ate sandwiches and watched Undercover Boss. We also played Word Whomp on her phone, which we’ve played for years. We’re both so stressed and wound up all the time, but it brings me comfort to know we can sit down and do nothing together.

I’m not the easiest person to get along with, not by a long shot, but she knows how to work around my moods. I can be a downright bitch, and she still loves me and I can never repay her for being the mother and friend I’ve needed and wanted.

We don’t always see eye to eye, but at the end of the day, family is all that matters. I will always be grateful for all the nights she stayed up when I had a fever, and all the early mornings that we did crafts together.

I’m beyond lucky to have her as a mom, and I hope she knows that even though I can be an unbearable mess that I always love and respect her.

I love you, mama!

Three Words

Published on by RooLeave a comment

I have waited so long to be able to say and hear these three words for a very long time now. These three words represent something so pure and genuine, and it makes my heart flutter and my mind race every time I hear it.

I have had these words said to me by family and friends. Having it said to me warms my soul, but getting to say it is the greatest thing I get to do during the day. There is so much pain and sadness in the world, and these words make it disappear for a moment.

The only thing better than speaking these words, is to show it. Acting on these words and opening yourself up to the ones around you is a feeling that I can’t begin to describe. To be vulnerable around someone and know that your safe is one of the most wonderful things that can happen.

I love you. I love you more than I will ever be able to show, and I will spend the rest of my days making you feel loved. I trust you with my heart, and no matter what happens, you will always have it.

Thank you for letting me love you. More importantly, thank you for loving me.