A Fresh Start

It’s been a while, and I’ve missed you all dearly. I’m sorry for taking such long breaks between posts, but no longer. I have a lot going on but November will be the month where I get my shit together.

The past couple of months have been exciting, stressful, depressing, and draining. I’ve gone through a roller coaster of emotions, and I’m currently in a questioning anger mood. Recently, I learned I was betrayed and blindsided by someone in my life. I had my mental state questioned and it derailed me for a moment, but then I looked back on every interaction and realized that I had fallen into the same fucking pattern that I had been in before. I’m done. I can’t keep being someone’s pawn and I’m not going to. I’m not going to be questioned when I’m dissociating or have manipulation attempts made when my mania hits. I’m standing on my own two feet, and I’ll start kicking and fighting back if I have to.

This month, I’m turning around and starting a new relationship with myself. I deserve to be happy and excited, and the bullshit that keeps popping up is taking away from what I want and need to focus on. I finally got to act on a dream on mine, and I’m going all in on it. I’m so proud of what I’ve accomplished this year and to let people and life get in the way of my path is just ridiculous.

So, to get this fresh start going, I’ve started to really clean up my stream and make it look the way I want it, and I’ve even made merch! Everything on that front is going so well which motivates me to keep going. I’ve been touched by so many of you who have supported me and I want to continue to give back to all of you.

I’ve also started writing my book again. I have the introduction and first chapter done, and I would like to have it finished by late February/early March. I want to introduce you guys to who I am when I’m not playing games or writing posts like this.

Another part of moving forward is the podcast will be coming back in December! I started getting overwhelmed with everything I started so the podcast got put on the backburner, but it is making it’s return! I’m going to be bringing new people on and it’s going to be a blast!

I’m so excited to have the opportunity to do this, and nothing is going to get in the way anymore! I love you all so much, and I hope you are all as excited as I am for this year to end! If you want to hang out or get updates more frequently, head on over to my discord! It’s not the busiest server, but we have fun!

Alright, time for me to get my day started and I will see you all soon!

Absolutely No Time

I’m trying here, I really am. I just checked my punch card and it says I have a little over 97 hours for the pay period. I know, who complains about overtime? It’s only 17 hours, but I barely have time to breathe. This is being an adult: working, no social life, no down time, no nothing. I have no problem putting in extra work, or going above and beyond, but I’m sacrificing a lot and I’m starting to question if it’s worth it.

I need a job, there’s no question about that. I just feel like I’m so far off from where I wanted to be in life and I don’t know how to even get back to where I need to be. I want to get back into this. I had so many plans for Rooplixoo – blog, streaming, videos, podcast, business – and I still do, but finding the time to do it is beyond difficult. I need this outlet, I need you guys, I need all of this.

I remember how happy I was when I got my first subscriber after my mom, and I was so taken away by the fact that my work was powerful enough to get someone to want to see more. I didn’t do this to become famous or popular, I did this for me. I have always been an outcast, and I wanted to know I wasn’t alone.

I’m not going to do anything hasty and quit my job to blog full-time, but I need to figure out a way to get my life to a point that I’m happy with it.

I still love you guys, and forever will.

Stay strong kids ♥

Starting Over

I know I haven’t written on here in a while, and for that I apologize. My depression, as well as, work and school have taken over my life, but I finally had time to sit down and write. This won’t be a happy post, but it’s something…

Tonight, I decided that I am done with pretty much everyone. I am tired of the bullshit and the lying and I honestly don’t care. I can’t continue to care about people who just use me. From this point forward, it’s about what I want and need, and what will make me happy. I will be nice, but don’t think for a second that me being kind means I’m your friend. Don’t think for a second that I’m getting stuck in the webs you spin and don’t even consider asking me if I’m alright, because I know you don’t care.

I am tired, physically and emotionally, and it’s not fair anymore.

I hope everyone has a goodnight.

Starting Anew

Today is the day I start over. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing an hoping that everything will be okay, because that’s not how it works. I need to tear down and rebuild… I need to move forward.

I have gone through so much in my short time, and I need to try to get rid of my pain and sorrow. My past is starting to consume me, and I need to get out of my pattern of waking up and hoping that things will change. I will now wake up and make everything around me change. Waiting patiently is getting me nowhere fast.

I am working and going to school, yes, but outside of that I really don’t have much going on outside of my boyfriend and my family. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and my family, I just need something and I don’t know what it is.

I’m hoping once I get my life reorganized, I will figure out what I need to do. I have such a wonderful support team, but I need to give myself a bit of support, too.

Three Words

I have waited so long to be able to say and hear these three words for a very long time now. These three words represent something so pure and genuine, and it makes my heart flutter and my mind race every time I hear it.

I have had these words said to me by family and friends. Having it said to me warms my soul, but getting to say it is the greatest thing I get to do during the day. There is so much pain and sadness in the world, and these words make it disappear for a moment.

The only thing better than speaking these words, is to show it. Acting on these words and opening yourself up to the ones around you is a feeling that I can’t begin to describe. To be vulnerable around someone and know that your safe is one of the most wonderful things that can happen.

I love you. I love you more than I will ever be able to show, and I will spend the rest of my days making you feel loved. I trust you with my heart, and no matter what happens, you will always have it.

Thank you for letting me love you. More importantly, thank you for loving me.

Nail Polish and Upcoming Plans

Second day of doing my nails and I actually prefer doing my makeup! I’ve decided to skip the sheer polishes and I will circle back around to them at the end. I’ve also found a ton of stuff to do acrylic nails, so I might add that to my never-ending list of goals for this year!

Today, I will be doing my nails, and finishing up my bullet journal so I can actually use it! I also have an idea for a logo, so I will be playing around with that, too. I’m terrible at drawing, but I feel like the logo needs my personality in it. Outside of this, I will be working and going through my courses.

Also, as of right now, I am up to 20 followers on this blog and I would like to thank all of you who to the time to view and like my content, as well as follow me on my journey. When I started this project a little over 2 weeks ago, I didn’t think I would see much traffic for the first couple of months, but all of you proved me wrong! It’s a huge confidence booster for me as a writer and a person. So, in short, thank you so much for giving me another reason to keep this blog going!

That’s about it for now. Over the next few days, the website is going to get a face lift. Once the logo is done, I can start to really buckle down and get started on creating videos. I have a handful of ideas that cover so many different topics, so I will figure out what direction I want to go in. I guess that’s why I chose Rooplixoo; it can go in so many different directions, and I think it suits me. Through this project, I am going in so many directions and I am truly having a great time doing all of this.

A New Year

It’s around 6:30 PM EST on New Year’s Eve, and I have been in my pajamas all day.

As some of us already know, 2017 was a bit of a shit show; not much we can do about it. Some years are good, some are bad, and others just pass us by.

One thing that people like to kick off the new year with is a New Year’s Resolution. Like a lot of these people, I stay strong for about a week, before giving up and going back to my regular routine. To the people out there that are strong enough to go to the gym every morning and do something new everyday, I applaude you. To those who say they did that stuff, I understand you. 

For 2018, I’m going to try again, but it’s going to be more of a challenge. This year, I decided that I’m going to become more girly. My boyfriend recently pointed out to me that I have too much makeup (I have close to 300 bottles of nail polish and I rarely paint my nails). From a drawer full of foundations and primers, to a vanity covered in eye shadow palettes, eyeliner, and countless tubes of mascara, I think it’s about time I start doing my makeup… well, learn how to do it, and then do it every single day. I will also, be learning how to do my hair. I’m 22 years old and my mom still curls my hair for me; I can’t figure out curling irons for the life of me.

Moving on to my closet, it’s also full of things I don’t usually use: dresses, skirts, shoes, and a bunch of purses. So after doing my hair and makeup, I will get dressed to the nines to sit at my desk and do school work.

Why am I doing this? I’m one of those people who needs change, and my life needs a routine, so why not spend 5 hours in the morning transforming myself?

oh god

That lovely lady right there is me. I am sporting an orange Billabong long-sleeved shirt. My hair is done in the “I ran a brush through it yesterday and I don’t know how to make it look good” style. No makeup, no nail polish…

I definitely have my work cut out for me

Also, because school, work, and now this project won’t be enough to fill my days, I will also be exercising, drinking more water, and getting the right amount of sleep…

Here’s to 2018!