Open During Construction

It’s finally happened! After months of looking through the same handful of themes, I picked one. I am extremely happy with the layout, but I still have a lot of work to do on it! There are so many new features with this theme, so I will be playing around with it for the next few days.

On top of a new look, I am starting to get back into taking pictures, and playing around with my setup so I can create even more content for Rooplixoo. I am so excited that I’m finally getting around to doing all of these side projects, I finally feel confident in the direction I’m moving in. Who knew a new theme would reboot my creativity?

I didn’t sleep last night, so I’m a tad punchy right now. I’m going to try to get a few more hours of work in today before I crash.

Happy Monday everyone!

Different Pieces, Same Puzzle

There are many pieces to a puzzle that make up a beautiful picture. There are two main pieces to puzzles: the edges, which frame the bigger picture, and the inner pieces that are a collection of tiny details that eventually all fit together. Without the edges, there would be no structure. Without the inner pieces, there would be no story.

Today, as always, I was talking to that certain someone. We spent a long time talking about what we want in the future. Where I have all these ideas of what I want to do but don’t know where I’ll end up, their end goal is to be happy and will do what it takes to get there.

As we talked about the future, I started to see the edges and the center come together and make a beautiful mess, filled with trips and dreams. A picture is worth a thousand words, and I was left speechless. The details are a bit rough, but I like it that way.

Rebuilding

After a long internal battle of taking a blame for what happened and trying to convince myself that I had no control over the situation, I realized that I needed to just cut my losses and move on because there’s truly nothing I can do.

Right now, I just feel blank. I’m not happy or sad, I’m just here. I’m just hoping that I will be in a better mood come sunrise.

 

Keeping it Under Wraps

Sometimes it’s hard to look forward. We can’t see past what’s happened before and we try desperately to be in the moment. The fact of the matter is that the future, second by second, is coming and going at a constant speed and we can’t stop it. We sit and plan out our lives and daydream about everything we want to do. In some aspects we do have some input as to where we’ll end up, but for the most part we don’t; we need to try to gain the ability to accept that even though the unknown is scary, it’s quite beautiful.

For a while, my initial plan for life was to rough it on my own. I was going to move to Seattle, invest in a few apartments and once I had enough money, I would go to a sperm bank and make a family for myself. If someone came along and wanted to be apart of it, they could. I wanted to have this all done by 25. Recently, my plans got completely turned upside down. I’m going to be 23 in July, I still live at home and I’m a student. I also know that I will not be going at this alone.

I never thought I would be here, with someone and have so many opportunities. This wasn’t apart of my master plan, but I am so happy that dream got demolished and replaced with this one.

Eventually, I will write about my new plan for life, but I want to keep this dream to myself for a bit longer. I’m still in shock about the whole thing, and it amazes me to the point that just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes (good tears, I assure you).

Sometimes keeping things a secret can be hard, but this has been the easiest thing to ever happen to me,

Moving On

I think I’ve spent enough thinking about how to write this post and I’m ready to open up. Recently, between the 11th and the 17th, I went through a break and eventually a breakup. I spent that week putting everything into perspective and trying to see if I could get past what happened. Obviously, I wasn’t able to. I’m okay now. I no longer hold the anger of an ex, but the rage of someone who can’t stand lies.

To keep things short, there was a trip and a lot of things were kept from me. It goes a lot deeper than that, but I’m not in the mood to go into detail. Now, I know being evasive isn’t technically lying, but not telling the truth is lying. Unfortunately, I needed to suggest a break to get the truth, but at that point, it was too late.

During the breakup, I did my best to stay civil, and I did my best to not place too much blame. I even apologized. Not only did I not get an apology, I didn’t get any closure from him. I’ve had a lot of peopleĀ  in my life leave with loose ends but, in that moment, I realized that I wasted almost 2 years of my life on someone who I thought I knew.

Like I said, I am completely fine and have moved past it. The fact that I didn’t even get the courtesy of an apology in the end, after all the lies and bullshit, makes my blood boil. Realizing that I had just been in the same situation again makes me mad at myself.

Over the past two weeks, though, I realized that I deserve to be happy, and I did just that. Through everything that happened, I still managed to smile and laugh and enjoy my time.

I walked away a better person, and I’m going to continue to grow and feel better about myself.

You know, I am sorry, though. I’m sorry to myself.

As the Hours Pass

I have spent many hours on the little black book. I didn’t even realize what time it is until I realized my playlist started over… twice! I can’t wait to be done setting up this journal so I can finally use it.

Yesterday, I managed to get all of the dye off my face, but my hands are still a nice shade of blue. I ended up leaving the house, though, to get dinner with my mom! We had a great time and we ended up stopping at the little convenience store before heading home. There, a very kind woman complimented my hair and we spent about 5 minutes talking about hair dye!

I’m so happy I have found the energy to keep going. I’m even happier that I’m enjoying music again, and singing until my vocal cords are sore. I still have a long way to go, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was definitely worth the wait!

The Secret

Most girls have little, black dresses…. I have a little, black notebook. I have a plethora of notebooks, but this one is special; this one will hold secrets that cannot be revealed as of yet.

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster, some bad and a lot of good. I am getting back on track with my life, and everything seems bright again. My entire perspective has changed; it scares me, but in the best way possible. The past few weeks have given me hope for my future, and it’s truly amazing.

I wish I could shout from the roof tops about how I’m feeling, but that would generate noise complaints, and it’s being kept under wraps for now… which is where the notebook comes into play! I will be writing everything down and keeping track of it all so when everything has settled down, I can write about it here.

At this point, only a few people know what’s going on in my life, which I really like. I feel like a spy on a top-secret mission. I’m so excited for this mission, just thinking about it puts a smile on my face.

Every girl has her secrets, it keeps the mystery alive!

Confidence Boost

Today was a good day for my confidence. I absolutely love my blue hair and how it makes me feel. Even though my nails and skin match my hair, I feel like I can take on anything that’s thrown at me!

When I was waiting for the dye to take, I had a lot of time to think about everything that has happened over the past few weeks. I thought about everyone in my life and how they have helped me grow into who I am today. I am so grateful for everyone who I hold close to my heart and I can’t picture my life without them.

Since we’re on the note of being happy and grateful for what we have, I reached 41 followers! I am beyond excited to know that this project is continuing to grow and that you guys enjoy my writing. Blogging has always been an outlet for me, and I’m so happy that I get to share it with so many people!

I hope everyone had a wonderful day!

Deep Blue

I’m now a blue-head girl! I decided to dye my hair blue again because it’s my favorite color, and what better color to get back into dying my hair than blue! I also dyed part of my face, my hands, and parts of my arms!

My hair is still wet, but when it dries I will definitely be taking a ton of photos. I ended up using Splat hair dye, which I haven’t used since high school, but I am extremely happy with how it turned out.

Now, with blue hands, I am off to do some work!

Blondes Have More Fun

The first step of changing my hair has been taken! I covered my head in bleach and now I’m blonde (again)! I won’t be for long, though, for tomorrow I will be adding the mystery color! The only thing I can say is that I’ve had this color before and I’m very excited to revisit it.

I’ve truly missed the art of dyeing my hair, and I’m happy that I’m back at it! I find it strangely relaxing, and with my anxiety, I could stand to do more things that relax me. I’m not going to lie and say I have the toughest life, but I tend to get overwhelmed which causes me to stress about everything.

Outside of bleaching my hair, I got to spend the entire day with my lovely mom! We went to breakfast and just hung out. I love spending time with my mom, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I hope everyone had a great start to their week, and here’s to surviving Monday!