How to Feel

Hey, it’s been a while? How are you doing? How’s life? Me? Well, I’m okay, just a bit lost…

Last month, I got to meet my best friend. You know who he is. He helped me realize that I am a good person, and that what I went through isn’t my fault. How I handled it was bad, but I’m not a bad person.

A couple weeks ago, I ended up losing someone from my life that meant a great deal to me. This person was the first person I opened up to and also the first person I regret pushing out of my life. I know I hurt you, and it’s the biggest regret I have. I miss you, and I still care about you. You and I mirrored each other in humor and attitude. I don’t remember one call that we had that we didn’t laugh, even the last one had a couple of giggles… But as much as I hurt you, you hurt me. We both made promises that we didn’t keep, and I’m sorry. I am truly sorry.

I cried for days after the night we said “I love you”, but not because I was happy… I was happy, but it’s what was said after that stung. I still loved you and would do anything for you. You were my best friend, and I still care. I was always loyal, up until you changed your relationship on Facebook. I was happy for you… That’s a lie, but I was happy you were happy. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.

I miss you, and I hate that I can’t say “Hi” anymore. The letter wasn’t meant to push you away or to hurt you, but it did and that’s my b. There’s a lot you and I have to talk about, and when you’re ready, you know how to reach me. I can’t promise it will be comfortable or even tolerable, but I need you to know what happened.

I know you will probably never see this, but if you do, I’m trying to be okay but it’s hard.

I’m trying my best right now, because we still walk under the same sun.

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