What I Wanted to Say

It’s been a while, and that’s my fault… I pushed those away who were pure and I put up walls that I don’t know will ever be able to be fully destroyed. I weaved such beautiful tapestries to hide behind, as to not hurt anyone else.

I lost my way, and no matter what I say or do, it cannot change my actions, only alter how I move forward. I still follow you guys, watching your happiness and achievements, still wishing the best for all of you. I still hold all of you close to my heart, even if I’m just holding onto an illusion at this point.

I know I’m not well, and I will eventually gain the strength to fix it, but at least I’m aware now. I’m not brave, nor strong, but I have made progress… I am beyond proud of each and every one of you. You’re strong and beautiful and smart, and I’m lucky enough to say that I had you in my life, even if it was for a brief moment.

I hope your lives are full of light, even in the darkest moments. I hope you can see the beauty in yourselves. Finally, I hope that no matter what, you know that even though time has passed, that the part of me that’s still around kept will always be there for you guys.

You guys were my family, and I will always see it that way. I am truly sorry for what I did, and I don’t expect forgiveness or open arms, but I needed to apologize.

Now, go live life to the fullest, and stay as safe as you can in all of your journeys. You guys have done such great things, and I know all of your dreams will come true.

I’m Sorry

Tonight, I ran away. It was just up the street, but I left with the intention of leaving from there. I packed a bag and grabbed everything I could possibly need but, in reality, I had nothing.

I want to apologise to everyone I’ve hurt. I’m a bad daughter, friend, girlfriend in the past and, most of all, person. I feel like a burden and all I want to do is keep running. I’ve run out of places to hide, so all I can do is expose myself, and I’m sorry. I am truly sorry for those I have hurt. I’m sorry for every ounce of pain that I’ve caused. Most of all, I’m sorry that I exposed those around me to my pain instead of fixing myself before putting myself out there.

I’m sorry that I’m like this, and I’m sorry if I never change. I will keep moving forward, but I’m going on autopilot.