“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”

Wow, who would have thought that I would put a Shakespeare quote on my blog, never mind put it in a title. The quote will make sense in a moment, but first.. Hello everyone, it’s me. How are you? I wish I could say I’m doing well and that everything is grand, but the truth is that 2020 has been a shitshow for everyone and it just keeps going.

In my last post, I was talking about a lot of the plans I had for Rooplixoo. I’m still going through with all of those, and nothing will hold me or this whole thing back. There have been a lot of hiccups along the way, especially over the past couple of weeks and I’m taking some time to process everything that has happened, but we will overcome whatever heads in our direction.

I think everyone here realizes that in terms of fight or flight, I walk the fine line between the two and veer off into fight every once in a while. Honestly, I am so tired of fighting but it’s better than lying down and giving up. As for the title, I’m tired of not speaking up as much as I should. This lady is going to protest as much as she damn well pleases. I am a basket case on a mission, armed with knowledge and the will to keep going.

I can say for a fact that I have killed off a lot of my braincells trying to get a point across to mind-numbingly dense people, but I keep going in hopes that I might be heard or at least make someone think.

Now to bring this post home – I am going to protest to my heart’s content; my parents raised a fool, not a bitch. I am a good person. I know a lot more than I lead on. I am my own person. I will not be blamed for situations that I was not aware of. I am strong and capable, and will rise from the ashes of my past. I am me, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

I love you all. I’m not okay right now; I’ve gone through the motions of losing and starting over, but I will be okay. You have all given me the power to find the strength within myself to keep going. It’s not always easy. I’m a magnet for bullshit (I swear it’s hereditary), but I’m not going to sit here and be scared or ashamed of being myself… not anymore.

I Survived

I just have to look at it as tomorrow is another day if I want to get through this. The days will start to blur together and make months, and those months into years. Eventually, I will spread my wings and soar and be free.

Until then, I will continue to keep my head down, and do my work and enjoy my time with the ones I truly love. I will sleep and wake up, and make my way through this battle against my mind. As long as I keep getting up, I will have a future.

One more day and we’re at the weekend. Sunday, I will be doing something very special for myself. I’m hoping that this thing will make me feel better and get back on track. I will be sharing this experience with all of you on Monday, but it will remain a secret until then. I enjoy secrets and surprises, probably a little too much but it gives me something to focus on.

I hope everyone has a great night and keeps fighting for a better tomorrow.