Confused and Lost

So, social distancing is a thing and has been for a little bit. I’ve honestly found the time alone quite nice. I’m an introvert with a small social battery and few spoons to spare and, because of this, I’ve spent a lot of time creating, destroying, building myself up only to tear myself down, and just trying to make a plan for the rest of my life. I’ve spent a lot of time crying and laughing, and daydreaming at 2 AM.

I’ve also been trying to stay connected with those around me, which I’m terrible at. I’ll either send 3-4 messages in a row, or I won’t respond for days/weeks at a time. My depression and mania are at the point where I laugh through my tears as I try desperately to fall asleep at a “normal” hour. I honestly don’t even notice how much time has passed between when I wake up to when I finally fall asleep.

I still socialize to an extent… I get in calls with a few people, and it’s nice, but I got into my head recently about past experiences and now I’m finding it hard to trust people. I hate that I feel this way, and I’m trying to not feel this way. I’ve stepped away from a lot of bad situations since last year, I just wish I could get over this bump so I can just enjoy something.

I feel like there’s no one in my corner and the feeling grows stronger with each day that comes and goes. I know I have a handful that genuinely care about my well-being, as I care for theirs, I’m just struggling right now and I don’t know how to begin to fix it.

I’m trying to stay focused on my subpar podcast and eventually streaming, but I’m dragging my feet and second guessing myself too much.

I just feel lost and I want to find my way back.

We’re Live!

Episode 1: A Short Introduction

Hey guys! It’s finally here: the first episode of the podcast! I’m super excited to share this with everyone, so if you listen, let me know what you think! It’s a bit short, but I will get the hang of talking to a screen eventually!

I will have this and future episodes available on here and Spotify, and will eventually branch out to other platforms.

Have a good one!

Starting Inside

Hey everyone! I hope all of you are doing well! I know these few months have been insane, but I’ve gotten a lot of thinking done since being stuck in the house since last month, and I can finally say that I might be okay.

One of the things I started thinking about was everything I wanted to do with Rooplixoo, and what I am able to do from my room. So, I bought a decent microphone and I’m going to actually give myself a voice. I’m going to start a podcast, and streaming games and see where it goes.

I’m really excited about getting this podcast started. I’ve been looking for a notebook all day so I could start writing out plans for different episodes. I already have a few ideas, but I want to do this the right way, so I need to take notes and flesh out my ideas so that I can produce decent content.

I know I haven’t been as active on here as I initially wanted to be, but now I have all the time in the world… for now. I will keep you guys posted, and hopefully I will have the first episode up by next week.

That’s it for now! I hope everyone is making the best of being inside. As for our essential friends out there, thank you so much for kicking ass and powering through!

Stay healthy and safe, and hopefully you guys will hear from me soon!