Tag: strength

Choose Your Battles Wisely

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Hello everyone! As always, I hope you’re doing well! It’s been a minute since the last time I posted, and I’m sorry about that! I’ve been working on new artwork and overlays for my stream, as well as getting some school work done! Before we get started with today’s post, I do want to clear up a few things… Everything that I will be saying is based off of my experience, and is in no way meant to target everyone. This is more of an emotional vent because the things that have transpired have been weighing heavy on my mind and I process my thoughts and feels best through writing. With all of that out of the way, let’s get started…

I have played computer games for a majority life, starting with the Jumpstart series, all the way through the Nancy Drew games, and now I play a bit of everything. About 8 years ago is when I started playing multiplayer games and have met some wonderful people that I am more than happy to have in my life. Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad. I encountered rage and kicks and all that good stuff. I didn’t let it stop me, though! I kept going and I will most likely play games for the rest of my life.

I am nowhere near good at games, but I play them to enjoy them and experience new things. Due to me not being the best at games, there are people who seem to take on the roll of carrying me through these games and talk down to me like I don’t know what I’m doing. I have been given the simplest of tasks and then praised or comforted like a child depending on whether or not I succeeded in the assignment at hand. I’ve been told that I’m good at games for a girl, which is utter bullshit. I’ve been belittled and insulted due to how I play and create. I will say this, even though it shouldn’t have to be said, I’ve received this treatment from every walk of life regardless of gender, sexuality, religion, etc..

I’m not here to be the best, I’m not even here to be good. I’m here to have fun and share who I am through creating. For the most part, I absolutely love the twisted family I’ve created and appreciate all of you so much for being in my corner over the years.

I really needed to get that off my chest and I honestly feel a lot better. I’m going to keep fighting and pushing forward because if I let the actions of others get me down, I would have tapped out in kindergarten!

I love you all, and I hope I didn’t upset any of you with this post. Keep kicking ass, keep creating, and most importantly, keep being you!

Feeling Good

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The past few days have been a bit stressful, but I realized that since I started this job I haven’t been holding onto as much anger. I deal with tough people everyday now, but once I’m done bitching about it, I’m able to move on from the situation a bit easier than before. I still bitch and hold onto things, I’m not completely better, but it’s a step in the right direction.

I have a 1 PM start tomorrow, but I’m going to try to work a double and take off Wednesday so I have 2 days off back-to-back. I don’t know why I want to have the days off, because all I want to do in my free time is work now. I am exhausted and drained, but I still have tons of energy.

I hope everyone sleeps well tonight and wakes up refreshed in the morning!

Too Much to Do

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There’s only a few more days and so much that still needs to be done. I am so emotionally drained at this point and I know that feeling won’t go away for a while. I know what I have to do, but it’s hard to not get overwhelmed.

I know everything will be okay, but it would be extremely helpful if I didn’t feel like I was hitting a wall every 5 seconds. I keep going, though, and I won’t stop.

I will get through this… we will get through this, no matter what it takes.

A Tough One

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Today was extremely draining for me, and the rest of the week will be just as tough. I am so stressed and tired, and I feel like almost everyone has dropped me. I hate that I am the way I am, but I’m trying to see the good in myself in an attempt to feel better.

I don’t know what I can do anymore except to keep moving forward. I struggle to let go and move on from things that have happened to me, but I’m doing my best, just like everyone else. I’ve gotten to the point that I can block out a lot through temporarily shutting down or spacing out.

I struggle every day of my life, but it all boils down to me and how I’m going to handle it. All I can do for now is to keep pushing through all the shit until the day I am out. I am stronger than my situation, and I need to get through it.

Weakened Strength

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As with every other tattoo I have gotten, I’m sick. I’m achy and tired and nauseous and I don’t understand why I keep putting myself through this. I can’t stand how sensitive my body is with everything, but it does cut my healing time in half because it’s always trying to heal itself.

I absolutely love everything about my tattoos. Thinking about what I want to making the appointment and getting it done. Even waiting for it to heal is exciting, because each day is one day closer to it being completely finished. I just can’t stand how sick it makes me. I know I have at least another 3 days, and I’m hoping this time will go by quickly.

I’m going to get some rest, and shorten my recovery period even more. I hope everyone had a lovely Monday and sleeps well tonight!

No Longer Afraid

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For the longest time, I have felt like I’ve been under a microscope. This stems from people keeping up with my life that I’m no longer in contact with. Because of this, I constantly doubt myself, and fear that every action I take is being watched. I do my best every day, but the feeling of having eyes on me still lingers.

I am fighting it, thought, by continuing to put myself out there. I’m not going to shut down because someone wants to read up on me. I made the decision last night to go full force and to write what I want to write about without censoring myself.

I can’t keep hiding to protect the feelings of those who never protected mine. I’m not standing down anymore. If you want to keep up with Paige, do it. If you want to talk about me, do it. I’m no longer afraid to be myself, and I will continue to stay strong.

Honesty

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In all walks of life, it is always best to be open and honest. No one is perfect, I know I’m sure as hell not. Sometimes we get afraid, or we feel like we can’t say what we really mean. Pictured above is me with the woman who instilled that in me. She is the most beautiful and caring woman I know, and I’m proud to call her my mom. Isn’t she stunning?

Over the years, my mom has given me the strength to be myself, and enough knowledge to make me extremely stubborn. We’re Italian, so being hard-headed is embedded in our DNA. With being stubborn, I have learned to fight not only for what I think is right, but to stand up for myself.

Recently, I was faced with something that absolutely destroyed me: the loss of trust. Normally, I would just leave and move on, but I decided to sit on it and figure out how I was going to deal with it. Over the past week, I’ve had some time to reflect on everything that happened and come to terms with everything. I haven’t really changed my view on it, but I’m no longer angry or hurt by what took place. It took every ounce of strength my mom gave to get through this.

I want to thank my mom for being there for me, no matter how awful I was being. From name calling to the terrible twos that she’s still trying to get me to grow out of, I am amazed her hair isn’t white! I hope she knows how much I love her, and that even though I’m getting older, I will always need my mom. I will always need to hear her say “cool beans”, and to tell her terrible jokes which I love.

I love you, mama!