Feeling Good

The past few days have been a bit stressful, but I realized that since I started this job I haven’t been holding onto as much anger. I deal with tough people everyday now, but once I’m done bitching about it, I’m able to move on from the situation a bit easier than before. I still bitch and hold onto things, I’m not completely better, but it’s a step in the right direction.

I have a 1 PM start tomorrow, but I’m going to try to work a double and take off Wednesday so I have 2 days off back-to-back. I don’t know why I want to have the days off, because all I want to do in my free time is work now. I am exhausted and drained, but I still have tons of energy.

I hope everyone sleeps well tonight and wakes up refreshed in the morning!

What a Day

Do you ever have one of those days where you should have just stayed in bed? Well, that was one of them for me. It went from bad to worse as each hour passed and I am glad it’s finally over.

I get to spend the remainder of the day eating Chinese food and drinking wine while trying to relax before heading out to work again.

I hope everyone had a great Friday, but if you had a day like I did, I will definitely have a glass for you!

Too Tired

Another post started before noon, so no strike.

I had a rough day yesterday, as far as I now realize just how much I need to get away from my past. All it does it make me depressed and tired and I barely get anything done.

I’m not going to sit here and act like I have the worst past imaginable, but it was nowhere near being great. I have good memories, but even more bad ones. I struggle to let go because I’m constantly surrounded by what causes me pain. I constantly hope that it will change and get better, even though I know it won’t until I start over.

I’m going to try to distract myself today, maybe go down to the coffee shop and space out there for a bit. I will do what I need to do, but I will be on autopilot the entire time.

Almost Done

We are so close to being done, there is still so much that needs to get done. I am extremely tired and stressed right now and I just want to get the rest of this done so I can sleep.

Everything will get done, but until it’s done, I won’t be able to calm down. I know the minute I finish, I will be wide awake, but hopefully I will get some sleep between now and when we leave tomorrow.

I’m sorry for the short post, I will write everything down tomorrow. I hope everyone has a great night!

Second Strike

This will be the second time I will be writing a post late, but at least this time it’s understandable. I have been extremely sad and stressed, which means I’m sleeping more. I have had so much on my mind and I can barely function.

Today will be spent on getting everything together for tomorrow and trying not to stress about every little thing. There is still so much that needs to be done, but I know everything will be sorted by tomorrow morning.

 

Too Much to Do

There’s only a few more days and so much that still needs to be done. I am so emotionally drained at this point and I know that feeling won’t go away for a while. I know what I have to do, but it’s hard to not get overwhelmed.

I know everything will be okay, but it would be extremely helpful if I didn’t feel like I was hitting a wall every 5 seconds. I keep going, though, and I won’t stop.

I will get through this… we will get through this, no matter what it takes.

A Little Brighter

I honestly don’t know where I would be without him. I am dreading this week, but he has taken a lot of my pain away. I have had so many people fuck me over and hurt me, and so much has happened that is out of my control, and he still manages to make me smile.

I am having such a hard time dealing with everything in my life right now, and I know I’m slipping deeper with each blow I’m dealt. I’m not going to be working much this week, but will be going full force come Monday.

I hope everyone keeps pushing forward and doesn’t stop.

A Tough One

Today was extremely draining for me, and the rest of the week will be just as tough. I am so stressed and tired, and I feel like almost everyone has dropped me. I hate that I am the way I am, but I’m trying to see the good in myself in an attempt to feel better.

I don’t know what I can do anymore except to keep moving forward. I struggle to let go and move on from things that have happened to me, but I’m doing my best, just like everyone else. I’ve gotten to the point that I can block out a lot through temporarily shutting down or spacing out.

I struggle every day of my life, but it all boils down to me and how I’m going to handle it. All I can do for now is to keep pushing through all the shit until the day I am out. I am stronger than my situation, and I need to get through it.

The Truth

For the past few days, I’ve been extremely angry and I finally figured out why. I cannot stand fake people, and it pisses me off to know end when people say they care when they clearly don’t. Honestly, this is one of the reasons why I don’t hang out with many people.

I’m naturally short-tempered and it physically hurts me when I’m around fake people; I don’t have the patience for it. If you don’t like me, fine, but don’t act like you do. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to be honest. Yeah, it’ll sting a bit but not as much as a lie.

I am under too much stress to deal with this, and I can barely function as it is. I have maybe three people in my life that I trust with my life, but that’s it.

I hope everyone has a good day, and hopefully I’ll calm down as the hours pass.

Mistakes Happen

Today marks the first day that a morning post is an afternoon post. Due to stress, I haven’t been sleeping very well, and I just woke up a little bit ago. I’m extremely upset about this, and I feel like a fuck up. I’m trying to look at it as “shit happens”, but it’s hard for me to do.

My absolutely wonderful boyfriend, though, is telling me it’ll be okay and I trust him. I’m not going to give up, but maybe I should alter my schedule to one post when the sun is out and one post when the moon is out per day.

Everything happens for a reason, and maybe I was meant to write this post now. If I keep telling myself that, I feel better about it. I love this project, and I’m not going to give up on it; this blog has given me an outlet that I never really had before. I feel like I’m apart of something outside of myself and each day I get excited to write. This blog has given me my creativity back, and I’m not going to lose it again.