Roo – Page 21 – The Change

Words

Published on March 30, 2018 by RooLeave a comment

Words can be very powerful. They can lift someone up, or tear them down. They convey information and can tell stories. We use words everyday in conversations and writing. I recently had the realization that my words have made an impact. This is probably something I should have realized way sooner, and I did, but I never realized to what extent.

In the past few months, I have destroyed and created by just using my words, mostly through feelings. I wasn’t brutal in my destruction, just honest and direct. Through using my words, I was able to get my thoughts out in the open and then I was able to heal. I no longer felt like I had to hide. I also had words thrown at me, which allowed me to let down my walls and trust again.

When I look back, I realize just how much words can change a situation. I know it’s a simple thing, and I probably think this is groundbreaking news because I’m sick, but I find it truly amazing just how powerful we all are when armed with something so common such as speech.

First Steps to Getting Better

Published on March 29, 2018 by RooLeave a comment

So I ended up going to the doctor today, and got medicine that is working so far… and making me extremely tired. I was able to keep food down, though, so that’s a plus. Sorry if that’s slightly gross, but we’ve all been sick so I feel like it’s okay to give details like that.

I got to have a nice, short call with the one known as “them”, and then I took a short nap. I’m hoping to get rid of whatever bug I have before Easter because there is no way I am skipping out on the food. Having an Italian mother has taught me that holidays are meant for family, friends and tons of food.

I hope everyone had a good day, and that no one has gotten whatever bug is going around.

Too Sick

Published on March 29, 2018 by RooLeave a comment

I don’t know what kind of bug I have, but I need it to go away. Being sick is no longer fun now that I’ not in school. I’m lying in bed, fevers coming and going, slowly eating crackers. I’ve gone through my playlist twice now, and I’m too dizzy to play games. I’ll be going to the doctor tomorrow, and possibly the chiropractor if I feel up to it.

There is something good, though. I can still hang out with people. Yes, I am sick as a dog, but there’s no way that I can infect them with whatever I have. All of my friends live in different places, whether it’s another state or another country, so all I have to do is call them up.

Hopefully I will be better in a couple of days, just need to rest and drink plenty of water… and maybe something to eat.

Need to Rest

Published on March 28, 2018 by Roo2 Comments

I have had a headache since about 2 PM today and it’s not letting up. I’m pretty sure I have the flu, so I’m going to keep this post short.

I hope everyone had a great day.

Distractions

Published on March 28, 2018March 28, 2018 by RooLeave a comment

I just woke up from a nap, and I am trying to plan out my day. I don’t have much planned, but I’m trying.

I’m going to spend the day looking over my notes for school and trying to get all of the coding information back into my mind. Maybe I’ll even make some flash cards for myself, I have plenty of index cards on my desk!

I hope everyone keeps pushing forward!

I Don’t Understand

Published on March 27, 2018March 27, 2018 by Roo14 Comments

This is going to be a more serious post. Recently, my depression has started to creep back in, bringing anxiety along with it. I didn’t realize how bad it was getting until earlier today when I took a nap.

When my depression is getting near its peak, I start to have dreams that have a beginning, middle and end, and they play out like a normal day. The longer I have these dreams, I start to blur my dreams with reality. The good thing is that I’m aware that it’s happening, but with the awareness comes panic attacks because the question of, “what’s real?” still lingers.

I’ve been having panic attacks since about 3 PM today, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop. I’m trying to stay positive, and focus on the good things, but it’s really hard when I sit here and question whether or not they’re real.

A Secret for My Secret

Published on March 27, 2018March 27, 2018 by RooLeave a comment

I think by now, it should be obvious that the person I refer to as them or they is a new boy in my life. This boy has really lightened my life and, even though I still get depressed, he instills hope in me. I will not be revealing their identity just yet, but I possibly will soon.

So, I have a secret for this boy. It’s a birthday gift that I’ve started working on… months in advance! I get excited planning out gifts. It gives me something to do and I love surprising people with gifts.

He knows that I’ve started planning his birthday out, but he has no idea what I’m doing. I can’t wait for him to open it!

Train of Thought

Published on March 26, 2018 by RooLeave a comment

In life, there are surprises, big and small, every single day. These surprises fall into three categories: good, neutral and bad. Every day for me, like many, I get the added twists that come with depression and anxiety. Today was no exception.

I was fine and just relaxing, and then it hit me. I was getting so angry that my body temperature was rising and my skin felt like it was crawling. I had no idea what caused it. I was literally sitting there in a call having a decent time. So I left the call and sat in silence… which was a mistake.

With depression and anxiety, you should rarely be alone with your thoughts, especially when there’s no obvious trigger. I lied on my bed and just thought about everything. My mind was doing back flips, getting a kick out of trying to drag me deeper into my solitude.

One of the only things that helps now is that I’m aware of how my brain works, the next step is figuring out how to successfully combat the thought process and win this agonizing game of chess.

Opinions

Published on March 26, 2018March 26, 2018 by RooLeave a comment

Opinions are great things. They have the power to bring like-minded people together, but it can also push people apart. I have many opinions that I tend not to share as to avoid causing any problems or confrontation. Unfortunately, some people feel that they not only need to share their opinions, but push their thoughts as if they were facts.

I have no problem with people speaking their minds, everyone does it. What I don’t appreciate is when people either tell me that my opinions are wrong, or when they try to force their thoughts on me. I’m all for freedom of speech, and I will defend everyone’s right to speaking freely, even if I don’t agree with them. It’s not a matter of taking away that right or freedom, rather the lack of respect when doing so that I would like to eliminate.

This weekend, the subject of political views came into the spotlight. Not mine, but someone who I’m very close to. They basically said that they hoped he wasn’t a Conservative. Now, for the record, he is not, but what if he was? He has the right to be one. People shouldn’t be judged on whether or they’re a good or bad person based on being either a Conservative or a Liberal.

A good person is good, and a bad person is bad. With that being said, “good” and “bad” are subjective; I know that I like to think of myself as a good person, and I am also aware of the fact that there are plenty of people out there that think I’m a complete asshole.

We sit here and preach acceptance and equality, until someone with a different opinion comes along. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I am 100% guilty to telling someone with a different opinion to mine that they’re wrong. We, as people, are flawed.

I think once everyone truly accepts the fact that everyone thinks differently, it will solve a lot of problems… but that’s just my opinion.

Sleepovers and Sandwiches

Published on March 23, 2018March 23, 2018 by Roo2 Comments

Today was a very nice day. I got to have a sleepover with my best friend. I haven’t had a sleepover in so long, and it was just nice to have someone there with me as I fell asleep.

After I woke up (they are still sleeping as I write this), my mom and I went to the store and got stuff to make sandwiches! Normally, sandwich night is on Monday, but I think sandwiches is a good way to end the week!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Friday and has a great weekend!