Author: Roo

My name is Roo and I'm a 20-something who is currently taking on way too much. Between work, school and video games, I rarely leave my laptop! You can catch me live over on twitch.tv/rooplixoo Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays! Follow me on twitter for updates, and Instagram for some photos (@rooplixoo)!

Smoke and Mirrors

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The following is an open letter. I will not state who this is for, but I think this can be directed towards a lot of people..

I thought a lot about what happened (about 14 times), and why everything happened the way it did. I realize that not everything goes to plan or how we hope, but that’s life.

Nothing in my life has gone to plan, and not all of it was pleasant, but for a short time, it was fun. I thought I had a friend, but I thought wrong. I do have friends, just not you… not now, anyway.

I feel weird. I’m not exactly sad or upset, just a bit bummed. I learned my lesson, though. I learned that I am a good person, and I don’t deserve to be avoided like I have some deadly disease. I learned that I’m funny and smart and that I don’t need the shit I’m handed everyday. Most importantly, I learned that I am strong, and the petty shit isn’t going to keep me down.

I’m not playing the game anymore. Maybe someday, I’ll see you as a friend but, for now, I’m the only one I care about.

See you later.

Starting Over

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I know I haven’t written on here in a while, and for that I apologize. My depression, as well as, work and school have taken over my life, but I finally had time to sit down and write. This won’t be a happy post, but it’s something…

Tonight, I decided that I am done with pretty much everyone. I am tired of the bullshit and the lying and I honestly don’t care. I can’t continue to care about people who just use me. From this point forward, it’s about what I want and need, and what will make me happy. I will be nice, but don’t think for a second that me being kind means I’m your friend. Don’t think for a second that I’m getting stuck in the webs you spin and don’t even consider asking me if I’m alright, because I know you don’t care.

I am tired, physically and emotionally, and it’s not fair anymore.

I hope everyone has a goodnight.

Long Time, No See

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Hey guys, it’s been a while! I want to start off by apologizing for not writing everyday like I was, and I feel like I let myself down a bit with this project.

Over the past couple of weeks, my depression decided to rear its ugly head once more and I decided to stay away from the computer for a while (with exceptions, of course). I didn’t want to fill my blog with tons of angry and depressing posts, so I decided to take some time and work through it.

I thought a lot about this blog during my time off, and I realized that I trapped myself in a box. I had a set schedule and when it comes to writing, you can’t force creativity like that. I have decided that I will continue to write on a regular basis, but I won’t force it. I will write every day, maybe 2 or 3 times a day, but I won’t pressure myself into writing “perfect” posts. I’m not perfect, and neither is my writing.

I truly hope everyone has been doing well and hanging in there. I love you all!

Weird Hours

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Ever since I started working, my sleep schedule has become even more messed up than before. I originally told them that I can work any shift on any day, and I can, I just thought I would finally get my sleep back on track.

I like the shifts that I work, especially nights and early mornings. Today I will be working 2 PM – 10 PM with possible overtime because we’ve been short on nights lately. I love how crazy my schedule is because it works with everything I need and want to do.

I hope everyone has a great Friday and a wonderful weekend!

A Night Out

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Last night, I did something out of the ordinary for myself… I went out drinking with some friends from work. I had just finished up the day from hell and I was told to meet them at the bar, and I almost said no but I decided to actually do something fun for once.

The night was filled with drinks and laughs, and too much food! I’m pretty sure I’m still a bit drunk, but it was worth it. I had so much fun and I’m really happy that I went out.

Quality Time

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Over the past x-amount of months, my boyfriend and I have spent hours every day talking to each other. Even if we only have a few minutes to talk, we make sure to call one another. We haven’t missed a day yet, and we don’t plan on it.

In every call, we laugh, talk, watch videos together, and just enjoy being together. There have been times where we just sit together doing our own things, without saying much, for hours on end. It’s comforting to me just knowing that he’s there. Even when I’m at work, we talk (if he’s still awake, that is).

We talk every day, but each call holds memories and love. As sad as I get when we say goodnight and the call ends, I’m still happy that I got to spend time with him.

Brain Dead

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My day went from okay to mind-numbing. I can’t even put into words what I went through today, but I can guarantee you that my brain is scattered and all I can to is babble at this point.

I will write a more exciting post in the morning, but right now I need to lie down and zone out for a bit before I pass out. Overall, it was a good day, but it had some seriously messed up moments.

I hope everyone had a great day, or at least a tolerable one! Sleep well!

Feeling Good

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The past few days have been a bit stressful, but I realized that since I started this job I haven’t been holding onto as much anger. I deal with tough people everyday now, but once I’m done bitching about it, I’m able to move on from the situation a bit easier than before. I still bitch and hold onto things, I’m not completely better, but it’s a step in the right direction.

I have a 1 PM start tomorrow, but I’m going to try to work a double and take off Wednesday so I have 2 days off back-to-back. I don’t know why I want to have the days off, because all I want to do in my free time is work now. I am exhausted and drained, but I still have tons of energy.

I hope everyone sleeps well tonight and wakes up refreshed in the morning!

Tough People

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In life, we won’t always encounter people who are the nicest. Sometimes, we will encounter people who are assholes that have nothing better to do than be mean. My life is a 60/40 split (60% assholes, 40% non-assholes). The 40% in my life make it so I can deal with the 60%.

Sometimes, difficult people are just people who we don’t mesh with for one reason or another; it’s not a bad thing, it just is. There are those, however, who are knowingly targeting ones around them merely for the fact that they don’t like them. This is a problem.

One thing I’ve always struggled with is when I’m in a position where I have to deal with these people. I always had the option to walk away from those I didn’t get along with, but when I can’t do that, I feel defeated. I have learned to cope with the fact that not everyone will like me, but I don’t understand why some people feel the need to constantly poke me.

I deal with it, though. I’ve learned to take what they say and do with a grain of salt, and to space out when I can. I start thinking about the people who help me and appreciate me for who I am. I think about how amazing I am and that I should be proud of myself.