Tag: change

Twists and Turns

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Life has many ups and downs no matter who you are. Every single one of us handles situations differently and each situation allows us to learn and grow. Sadly, I learned a very hard lesson over the past few days. I learned that trust is fragile, and not always forever.

Due to my experiences in life, I have become a very cautious person, only letting a few people in at a time. I have a difficult time trusting people, but when I finally open up, it feels like I can be myself. Unfortunately, I have to start over now.

Maybe I trusted too soon or too much, or maybe my expectations are too high. All I know right now is that I’m hurt and numb; I truly feel like I’m shutting down emotionally. I’m going to try to distract myself over the next few days in hopes that I can work through it and get back on track.

I feel dull, almost drunk on exhaustion. I hate feeling this way, so I’m only going to let myself feel down for the rest of the night. Tomorrow is another day, and I will try to make the best of it.

I’m sorry that this post and the last post aren’t happy or exciting, but I didn’t know what else to write about except how I’m feeling. Sometimes it’s good to get it all out on paper.

Too Many Choices

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I expected the hunt for a new theme to be easy. I thought I would scroll for a little bit, and then it would leap off the screen and latch to my face until I picked it. “How hard can it be?”, I thought. Very. It’s very hard.

I found about 5 themes that I like, and they all provide different things. Now, I get to enjoy trying all of them and going through a process of elimination until only one stands. Seems simple enough… if I was actually capable of making a decision. I am extremely indecisive with everything. My mind is cluttered with “maybe”s and “what if”s. If there was a way that I could use all of them, I would.

The plan for the rest of the week, outside of everything else, is to choose a theme for the blog. I’m hoping that I will be able to do so in a timely fashion but, knowing me, that’s not going to happen! I’m determined, though. I will choose a theme no matter what.

Tomorrow is going to be filled with phone calls and work, so I will be trying on new themes in my down time! I can’t wait to see who the final contestant is!

Keeping up With It

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Today marks day 2 of my routine, and it’s going pretty well. I got up and did some school work, and exercised. With 3 out of 5 tasks completed, I think I will count this day as successful.

I’ve noticed that even in this short amount of time, I have gained a tiny bit of energy. Normally when I take naps, they can last 4+ hours, but today I only napped for about 2 hours. I will always need to take naps during the day (I’m tired person in general), but if I can my naps down to about 1.5 hours, I will have so much more time to do the things I want and need to do.

I’ve even been drinking more water! I filled my bottle up twice today, which is a huge improvement from filling it every other day. I don’t know how long I will keep at this, but I will keeping doing so for as long as I can. So far, though, I really like the short-term improvements I’m seeing.

Tonight, if I can’t fall asleep, I will be making a more precise schedule for my posts and drawing up how I want each page to look. I’m extremely proud of myself and I want to see this project through because I truly think I can do this!

How I Workout

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Since I’m going to be exercising, I figured I would write about how I’m organizing my workout routine. Before I go any further though, I would like to tell you what the posting schedule will be for my blog.

  • Mon – Thurs: 1st post between 10 AM – 12:30 PM, 2nd post between 9 PM – 11 PM
  • Fri: 1 post between 7 PM – 10 PM
  • Sat/Sun: N/A

I’m sure I will fix the times once my sleep patterns are regular, but that’s what it’ll be for now!

Now to dive into my exercise routine. I am using an app called the 30 Day Fitness Challenge, as well as a weekly routine that I found online. I have used this app before in the past, but never for it’s intended purpose. The reason I’m starting to exercise again is because I’m hoping it will help with my depression and anger issues, as well as help me stick to a schedule. I’m also hoping to get back in shape. I’m not out of shape, but I’m not in shape.

I personally like working out from home because I don’t need to worry about dealing with other people and with the workout I’m doing, I don’t need any equipment. I used to go to the gym, but I never really liked working with weights or machines so this is perfect for me. The best part is that since my room is going to be my gym, I’m not restricted to a time that I have to exercise and I can start and stop when I want.

My plan is to do a basic, very relaxed full body workout during the week, and then push myself a bit further with a more intense workout on the weekend. I also plan on starting to eat better. I don’t eat terrible food, but I could stand to have more salad and a lot more water.

I am in no way an expert in fitness, but I want to better myself. The point of this project is to feel better about myself, which includes but is not limited to:

  • using my makeup
  • wearing all my clothes
  • getting my life in order
  • feeling better and more confident
  • etc..

I know this project has taken on a life of its own, but I think it’s very interesting to see how it’s changed over each post. It really shows just how many things I want and need to get done, and what a mess my mind is when it comes to trying to organize all of it. For all I know, I’ll want to add another project to my ever-growing list and write about it tomorrow and that will be the new thing I’m obsessed with. I really hope I don’t come up with anything else, but I know I might and I’m prepared to take on whatever else I manage to throw at myself.

Slow and Steady

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I learned something today… NEVER DO A FULL BODY WORKOUT AT 10 PM. I am happy I forced myself to do it, but I’m definitely going to need it to be a day thing. So the new order is: bathroom stuff, work, exercise, shower, school.

Outside of exercising and doing things other humans do, I left the house and had lunch. I am an attic dweller who forgets to eat, so leaving the house to have food is kind of new territory for me.

Since I got up late today, I lacked a bit of motivation, so I only got a couple of things done on my to-do list. I’m still proud of myself for getting some things done today! I didn’t check off shower, but I did wash off.

For the most part, I’m happy with how today went. There were some problems here and there, but it was overall good. I know I will be sore in the morning, so hopefully getting some rest will prevent a bit of the pain.

The Final Draft

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I had a productive day… in the sense that it wasn’t very productive at all! I walked around the house and thought about everything I need to do during the day, while I also neglect most of those things.

I start a bunch of projects, and then I get overwhelmed and do nothing. From there, I get anxiety because nothing is getting done, and I get depressed; it’s a fucked up domino effect that needs to change. I feel like I’m lost in a sea of to-do’s and I’m either going to sink or swim… so I’ll try swimming!

When I started Rooplixoo, it was for the sole purpose of getting through all my makeup. Now, it’s taken on a mind of its own because I keep adding new goals. New goals are never a problem, except when they start to stack up and you end up watching 10 hours of videos and reach the end of the day feeling empty. I’m putting my foot down, because what I’m doing isn’t working anymore.

When I was younger, my mom created this beautiful board titled “The Eye Chart”. I am legally blind in my left eye, so when I was younger, the doctors told my parents that I had to wear these stick on eye patches and do exercises to strengthen the vision in my left eye. Now, not much has changed in the sense that I am a stubborn, pain-in-the-ass that marches to a different beat, but I do enjoy rewards and prizes. My mom created this chart and at the end of each week, I would get a prize. I think I got through about 2 weeks before it was retired, but I still continued to fill in all the days with stickers!

I will probably be up all night because I took a nap today, so tonight I will be putting my board together and working. Up above is a draft of what will go on the board. I have started so many things, that I need to remind myself to brush my teeth! I’m not proud of that, but the first step is admitting there’s a problem! I feel if I can get myself on a schedule and stick to it, I will either start to feel better or be so distracted that I won’t have time to feel bad.

I know it’s impossible to plan out every single day and have a perfect routine, but if I nail it at least 4 days out of the week, I’ll be beyond proud of myself. At the end of the day, I have to live with myself. If I have to basically recreate The Eye Chart and reward myself for being a functional human being to get on track, then so be it!

Here’s to yet another new beginning!

Into the Weekend

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I had a good Friday. I got everything together to set up a daily routine and actually started planning it out! From watching videos to reading articles on how to stick to a schedule, I finally know how I’m going to go about this.

Tonight will be spent creating my daily routine board which will hang on the wall by my stairs. It will be extremely details, listing everything I need to do. From brushing my teeth to blogging and everything in between, there will be a place for it on my board! Now, why does a 22 year-old need a reminded for brushing her teeth? I don’t, but to stay organized throughout my day, it needs to be on the board.

This board is probably going to be a mess of extensive color-coding and miscellaneous tasks, but that’s what I need to stay on track. I have come to the conclusion that I have taken on way to many things and I have started to become overwhelmed. I know I can get everything done that I need to get done, I just need to organize it right.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and relaxing weekend. I will be spending mine finishing off my routine board and sprucing up the website! I can’t wait to come back Monday refreshed and ready to go!

Tired Thoughts

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Today, I sat in bed, took care of my pets and took a nap. My mental state isn’t 100% because, on one hand, I feel like I did nothing; on the other hand, I needed to step away and just do nothing.

My life, like many others, is me standing in the middle of a never-ending shit storm holding onto a tiny ball of good. No matter what happens, I hold onto that ball in hopes that one day the storm will clear up and the ball can grow.

If I had to take anything away from today, it’s that the storm that surrounds me is not something I can control, because a majority of the storm is caused by the world around me. I can, however, control that tiny ball of good. I can’t control how people will react or the unexpected, but I can try to maneuver these obstacles with grace.

I’ve come to the realization that I can’t take on every single problem because someone asks me or expects me to. I can’t keep helping people by not helping myself; in the end, I have to live with myself and I am tired of living in a stressed, worn out body.

It will take some time for me to work on this; old habits die hard. As long as I keep working on it, though, it will become easier because I will become stronger.

Tomorrow, I will be writing out my full routine and start fresh Monday morning. I will make time to do everything: makeup, nails, school, work and exercise. If I want a better me, I need to make it.

Nail Polish and Upcoming Plans

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Second day of doing my nails and I actually prefer doing my makeup! I’ve decided to skip the sheer polishes and I will circle back around to them at the end. I’ve also found a ton of stuff to do acrylic nails, so I might add that to my never-ending list of goals for this year!

Today, I will be doing my nails, and finishing up my bullet journal so I can actually use it! I also have an idea for a logo, so I will be playing around with that, too. I’m terrible at drawing, but I feel like the logo needs my personality in it. Outside of this, I will be working and going through my courses.

Also, as of right now, I am up to 20 followers on this blog and I would like to thank all of you who to the time to view and like my content, as well as follow me on my journey. When I started this project a little over 2 weeks ago, I didn’t think I would see much traffic for the first couple of months, but all of you proved me wrong! It’s a huge confidence booster for me as a writer and a person. So, in short, thank you so much for giving me another reason to keep this blog going!

That’s about it for now. Over the next few days, the website is going to get a face lift. Once the logo is done, I can start to really buckle down and get started on creating videos. I have a handful of ideas that cover so many different topics, so I will figure out what direction I want to go in. I guess that’s why I chose Rooplixoo; it can go in so many different directions, and I think it suits me. Through this project, I am going in so many directions and I am truly having a great time doing all of this.