More recently, I’ve been questioning every decision that I’ve made over the past couple of months. Due to certain actions and events, and trusting the wrong people, my paranoia and anxiety have shot through the roof, I don’t feel safe anywhere. I have problems sleeping whether I’m home or at someone else’s house, and I’m stuck in my head.
I feel lost, and I don’t know where to begin so I can get back to where I was. I know my depression is creeping back in, and I’m holding it back as much as I can, but I’m becoming weaker.
I have to start over and rebuild myself… again. I have to erase all thoughts and feelings and attempt to rewire my brain. I have nothing left to give with this version.
Life has many ups and downs no matter who you are. Every single one of us handles situations differently and each situation allows us to learn and grow. Sadly, I learned a very hard lesson over the past few days. I learned that trust is fragile, and not always forever.
Due to my experiences in life, I have become a very cautious person, only letting a few people in at a time. I have a difficult time trusting people, but when I finally open up, it feels like I can be myself. Unfortunately, I have to start over now.
Maybe I trusted too soon or too much, or maybe my expectations are too high. All I know right now is that I’m hurt and numb; I truly feel like I’m shutting down emotionally. I’m going to try to distract myself over the next few days in hopes that I can work through it and get back on track.
I feel dull, almost drunk on exhaustion. I hate feeling this way, so I’m only going to let myself feel down for the rest of the night. Tomorrow is another day, and I will try to make the best of it.
I’m sorry that this post and the last post aren’t happy or exciting, but I didn’t know what else to write about except how I’m feeling. Sometimes it’s good to get it all out on paper.