Yes, it’s the 12th of January and I’m just now making my New Year’s post. The end of 2019 and the first couple of weeks of 2020 have been very interesting, to say the least.
I got a new job at the beginning of December, and a long with that started the next chapter of my life. I am the night auditor at a hotel. It’s not the most exciting, but it gives me the opportunity to do my school work and actually be in a work environment that doesn’t make me want to pull my hair out. I even have the time to write, which is what I’m doing right now.
The beginning of 2020 was mediocre at best, but I have no complaints. I did get to thinking, though, about what I truly want for myself and the next year of my life. One of the things that bothers me constantly is that I am alone. I have friends, but I never really feel like I fit in and I become drained as of late just thinking about going out… but I still try to stay in touch. With that being said, I’m not going to be the only one reaching out anymore. I can’t keep doing it. So, if anyone wants to get in touch with me, you can send me a message and I’ll get back to you when it’s convenient for me. I’m not mad or angry about it, but I just think it’s kind of ridiculous to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.
Something else that I want to be able to do is travel this year, so I need to get my license, passport and a map. I’m not spending another year going between work and home, with the occasional pit stop at a bar. For me, it’s extremely disappointing. I’ve been in this godawful place for too long and I need to get out.
I need to just be myself and live my life. At this point, no one seems to give a shit if they piss me off, use me, treat me like shit or flat out lie to my face, so I don’t give a shit if they need a shoulder to cry. Until it’s a two-way road, I’m not giving anything else. So, for me, it’s not “new year, new me”– it’s “new year, true me”.
Now that the holidays are said and done, I’m starting to feel a bit better. I’m not 100%, but I feel slightly lighter. With that being said, I have focused some of my energy on an old project of mine: starting a business.
I know, I know… I start new projects all the time and then forget about them until I rediscover them. I have a good feeling about this though. I won’t go into too much detail about the business just yet, but I will tell the story of it.
Two years ago, I dropped out of college because of my wonderful mental problems and I was trying to find something to do with my time. I starting making things and realized that I could do something with it. I worked out a budget and found everything I would need to start this journey… but then I ran out of money and I gave up on the whole thing.
About a week ago, I found my old notebook that I wrote everything down in and the drive to do it came back. I have the entire product line sorted out, and I even have the business plan underway, all I have to do is pick 1 or 2 products to start with and grow from there. No one built an empire overnight, so I need to stop trying to. If I start small, I will be able to stay on track with everything else.
Well, I just got the e-mail that Rooplixoo has been renewed for another year! I’ve come a long way since I started this blog, but I didn’t end up where I thought I would by this time. I had all these ideas and dreams of what I would be doing now in life and how I would feel. Even though a lot has changed, I’m still the same person I was.
I have grown and learned a few more lessons along the way, but I’m still me. I still do crazy shit with my hair and space out for hours at a time. I can’t fix my sleep schedule for the life of me and I hoard candy in my room. The one thing that I’m still happy that I have, though, is this need to take on anything and everything. As stressed and angry as I get, I still want to conquer what’s thrown my way.
It’s been close to a year since I made my first blog post and, no, I don’t have as many posts on here as I would have liked and I haven’t made a single video, but I’m happy with it and that’s all that matters.
Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how long it takes to do what you want to do, as long as you’re still trying to do it. I will keep pushing forward and even if I slow down, I won’t stop.
I love you all, and thank you so much for the support!
I was worried for a while that I would never be able to work full-time. Between my physical and emotional problems, I didn’t have the drive or motivation to do really anything. Things are different now, though. I’m not depressed as much, and I feel driven to work and get an education. I feel like I can make it.
I have been faced with a lot of pain and misfortune in my life, and I held onto all of that pain for so long that I didn’t have room for anything good to happen. Once I started to let go of it a little bit at a time, things started to look brighter and I knew I was heading in the right direction.
I have goals and dreams now that are beyond waking up and getting through the day. I get up every morning excited to work and do my schoolwork. Knowing that I was able to make it through my past and get to this point has shown me that I can literally do anything.
Yesterday, I got a call and now I can finally talk about it. I put in an application to be a shift manager at McDonald’s and about an hour later I got a call to set up an interview for 9 AM today.
Between yesterday and this morning, I went from being excited to nervous to being frantic, and those emotions went in a constant loop until I got there and sat down. I won’t go into too much detail, but the interview went perfectly and I start orientation on Sunday!
I am still extremely nervous and excited, and this will open up so many opportunities for me. I feel like everything is moving in the right direction, and nothing will stop me!
I hope everyone has a great weekend, and a wonderful holiday!
Well, it’s done… sort of. I dyed my hair brown. The color didn’t take fully, though, as certain parts are still blue and a majority of my hair now looks teal in certain light. Once it dries, I will take another picture before I start the second round of dyeing.
I haven’t had brown hair in a while. It’s my natural hair color, but I prefer blues, reds and purples. I like this shade, though. I think once it’s not brown with a teal undertone, it’ll look nice. I actually don’t mind the green color, I want to hate it but I don’t.
I have a busy day tomorrow, so I will be trying to get to sleep at a normal hour so I can wake up and get everything done!
Tonight through the rest of the weekend, I will be spending doing work. I want to get a majority of my work out of the way so I can focus on school and getting my creativity back. To do the things I want to do, I must do the things I have to do first.
I did manage to take a nap today, so I will be able to stay up pretty late tonight. I’ve worked hours on end before, I just need the energy for it, which I have right now so I want to take advantage of it. I will give myself until 11 PM and then I will just start working.
Wish me luck!
As of late, a lot of chapters in my life have come to an end and I am now left with a huge blank space to start writing the next passage. I realize now how much I’ve lost my way, which is why I’m going to make a true effort to get back to where I was.
A couple of years ago, I wanted to get into streaming games. I never got around to it, and as more time passed, I just dropped the idea. I am extremely socially awkward, but I figured this could have been a way to get me out of my shell. I’ve decided once I get my desk cleared off and get some of my work done, that I’m going to dive in and try it. Why not? I have nothing to lose and it could be really fun!
Then I started to think about all the other projects I let slip through my fingers. I need to start doing everything I want to do, even if nothing comes of it. I am tired of having regrets and what ifs. I am too young not to do all these things.
I have reached the end of the first week with my rewards chart. I didn’t do everything I needed to do to earn a reward, but I was definitely more productive and I’m proud of myself. I don’t expect I will be fully immersed in my new schedule for another week or so, but I will keep pushing myself until I am.
In all honesty, I’m not too worried about the rewards as much as I’m worried about getting my work done. No, I didn’t do as much as I needed to do but I still did something each day and that’s the whole point of having the chart!
I had a few rough days, and I still managed to get stuff done, which I was never able to do before! I’m going to be working more tonight and into the weekend because I’ve started to feel anxious when I’m not being productive (which is a good thing).
I hope everyone has a great night and a wonderful weekend, and for the Star Wars fans out there, may the fourth be with you!
My plans never pan out the way I want or need them to, so my goal is to work all night until my eyes fall out of my head. Today was rough, but nothing bad can happen when I’m the only one awake. I work better at night anyway, so I have no problem staying up. I took a nap and I have a full supply of caffeine and cupcakes.
Before I buckle in for my coding trip, I will be playing more Stardew Valley and messing around on my ukulele. I need to be relaxed before I even consider booting my virtual machine again.
I hope everyone has a good night, and if any of you are staying up for most of the night, enjoy whatever you’re doing and remember to relax!