Tag: moving forward

Gotta Keep Fighting

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I got some rest today. I’m still out of it and my knees are killing me, but I’ve dealt with worse. I’m just happy I can still walk around and function. I’m also really happy that I wasn’t alone.

It was really early in the morning (between 3 and 4 AM), and I was in a call with someone who I would be lost without. They stayed with me and tried to keep me awake until I passed out. I realized in that moment, that I could truly trust them no matter what and I wasn’t alone. I’m happy to have them in my life and by my side, and I’m truly happy to call them my best friend.

It had to be the most interesting falls in my life: having my headset fly in the other room because I hit my head so hard, and making that connection. We never used to talk much, but I’m happy I made the connection again. I needed them there, and I just hope they want me around when they have a spaz attack and hit the ground.

I have a lot going through my mind now. I’m getting closer with new friends and old ones, and I finally feel like I can breathe again.

If you guys read this, and you know who you are, thank you for making my life so much brighter. We’re in this through thick and thin, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

A Few Loose Screws

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Well, I’m a dumbass. Yesterday, I was getting clothes for the day and I stumbled a bit. Then, once I caught myself, I ended up blacking out, falling and hitting my head on my door, as well as banging up the rest of my body. All I really remember is standing, and then being on the floor.

I’m doing alright, but I know I gave myself yet another concussion. My head feels like I’m coming down from getting drunk while also blowing up like a balloon, and my vision is a bit shaky. I’m going to be calling the doctor today to see what she thinks I should do.

I’m going to be taking it easy today, and try to get a little bit of work done. Hopefully, I will be back to normal in the next couple of days.

Getting Ready

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This week definitely had its ups and downs, but I feel good. I feel like I can take on anything, and it feels pretty great.

This weekend, I will be working, doing school work, and applying for a second job. If I want to be able to do the things I want and need to do, I need to do things I don’t really want to do. I remember when I was younger I didn’t want to be an adult, I just wanted to be old enough to have a bit of freedom. What I’ve learned is that freedom costs a pretty penny.

I know I’m going to have less free time, but maybe I will get to enjoy my down time a bit more if I have less of it. I know it won’t be easy, nothing is, but I have an amazing support team that drives me to better myself.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

One of those Days

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Today was a day where everything felt slightly off. Nothing went wrong, but nothing was 100% okay. I don’t feel weird, but everything around me does. It’s hard to explain. Maybe I’m just tired.

I got a lot of thinking done… school, my future, life in general. I went into my mind with a few questions and left with more. Some of my questions were answered with day dreams, and others I didn’t have the time to get to. It was interesting, and I’m happy I did it. I kind of have a plan again, which I lost along the way.

Tomorrow is Friday, which means we survived another week! My night will probably consist of work, videos/movies, games, bad jokes and passing out at my computer. I might legally be an adult, but I’m still young enough to be a kid and I will continue to be one until I’m shriveled up and can barely hold a mouse or a controller.

Shhh!

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Communication is apart of our everyday lives. I went the extra mile when I was 16, and broadened my horizons all the way to Australia. I was young, heartbroken and had access to the internet.

On that faithful day, I went on Omegle and my life changed. I thought it was so cool that I was talking to someone on the other side of the world. To keep it short, we ended up being pen pals, and he introduced my to his friends, and his friends to theirs and so on. I now know people not only sprinkled over Australia, but eventually met people in America.

I think about this day a lot (August 13, 2011), and how different everything would be if I never ditched online class that day. People come and go in life, and that’s no different with online friends, but I have found the relationships that I’ve formed online to be stronger than most of the relationships I’ve had with people in real life.

Recently, a lot happened, and I’m beyond happy that I have these people in my life. When I went through the breakup, I didn’t think I would ever get to meet my friends, but that’s all changed. The secret, in part, is that I’m still going out to Australia and I’m planning on meeting them. I want to be able to hang out and not have to worry about the router randomly turning off and kicking me from the internet.

Eventually, I will be able to go into detail about this secret, but it’s still in the planning stages and I’m trying to not get ahead of myself (which is extremely difficult for me).

As we reach the end of the week, I hope everyone enjoys their day and is starting to get ready for the weekend!

Same Story, Different Plan

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I’ve been through this before, but it’s going to be different. I can’t keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. I can no longer expect people to change, so I’m going to need to make the changes.

It’s been a long day for me, going back and forth on what I should do, but it all boils down to that I need to do what’s best for me.

Tomorrow I will have longer posts and pictures, but this is all for now. The past few days have been rough and I wasn’t in the mindset to put out long posts today. I hope everyone has a wonderful night and I will see you guys tomorrow!

An Explanation

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In life, we give and are given many explanations to either clarify certain things or to defend our actions or opinions. It almost as if we’re on autopilot and just explain away everything we do. Is it always necessary?

Well, yes and no. It’s common courtesy to explain our actions if we hurt or upset anyone, or to iron out any details about a subject the recipient of the speech doesn’t understand. I don’t think it’s right to have to explain your reasoning if you’re trying to protect yourself or others.

Recently, I was put in this situation (to clarify, this isn’t about my breakup). It wasn’t the first time I was questioned for my actions, and I know it won’t be the last. Sometimes, personalities don’t mesh right and can lead to a toxic engagement between the two. I felt like I needed to step away and I was bombarded with questions and statements in front of others, which made me feel pressured to explain myself. In my mind, this isn’t okay.

I have been giving these explanations for my entire life, just to soften the blow instead of just saying, “Because I wanted/needed to.” I struggle with confrontation, as many people do, but for some reason this pushed me over the edge. I don’t know why this situation in particular stood out to me, but it did. I want to be able to get to a point where I feel comfortable and not criticized or attacked for what I do for myself. I know I can’t make everyone happy and like me, but I can make myself happy and like me, which is what I’m trying to do.

The homework for the week is to do something for yourself, even if it’s something small. For an hour, or even 30 minutes, do something for you. You are going to be stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, so make the relationship as smooth as possible.

My Favorite Dream Job

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Over the years, I have had many dreams of what I would be when I was older. I bounced around and tried a bit of everything: baker, interior designer, party planner, marine biologist, and many more. My favorite, however, was one I came up with in kindergarten. During my days of coloring and snack time, I wanted to be nothing else but a vampire slayer.

Now, I don’t remember thinking to myself, “You know what would be a good career? Vampire slayer.” I came across one of my drawing journals a few years ago and came across a drawing of me in a black dress and crayon blood all over the page. At the top, I wrote, “I want to be a vampir slaer.” Now, at 5 years old, I obviously didn’t realize that being a vampire slayer wasn’t a good career choice; a very difficult major and a small market!

Looking back, I was a very interesting child. I miss the days that jobs were merely a job and not a necessity. I also miss my vast imagination. I still have a lot of my creativity, but not as much as I did when I was younger. Life through a wet rag on my mind, but I’m slowly getting back to the mindset of anything is possible.

 

Like Riding a Bike

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When I sat down to do my school work today, I thought I was going to have to review my notes for hours. Instead, I picked up where I left off and pushed on! I didn’t do much coding, but I did a lot of reading and took notes on pretty much everything!

When I took my student orientation, the speaker said that we wouldn’t need to take excessive notes. He said that because coding has such a great and welcoming community, that we will always be able to ask for help or find answers on the internet. I, however, didn’t listen and now I take not only title and number every single page in my binder, but take notes on everything, as well.

I can’t retain information unless I say it out loud and write it down. If the lesson I’m working on has a 5-minute video, it will take me around 30 minutes to take notes on it. I write down all the sample codes and shortcuts and make footnotes to help me remember. I’m even talking out loud as I type this. If I didn’t do any of this, my mind would be blank.

I have found that since I started coding and creating again, that my cognitive and analytical skills have become stronger, as well as I have been able to feel a sense of accomplishment with each lesson I complete. Coding essentially gave me a second chance and I’m truly happy.

Tomorrow, I will probably write about my educational journey thus far. It’s truly an interesting story, and I would love to tell it!