In life, we give and are given many explanations to either clarify certain things or to defend our actions or opinions. It almost as if we’re on autopilot and just explain away everything we do. Is it always necessary?

Well, yes and no. It’s common courtesy to explain our actions if we hurt or upset anyone, or to iron out any details about a subject the recipient of the speech doesn’t understand. I don’t think it’s right to have to explain your reasoning if you’re trying to protect yourself or others.

Recently, I was put in this situation (to clarify, this isn’t about my breakup). It wasn’t the first time I was questioned for my actions, and I know it won’t be the last. Sometimes, personalities don’t mesh right and can lead to a toxic engagement between the two. I felt like I needed to step away and I was bombarded with questions and statements in front of others, which made me feel pressured to explain myself. In my mind, this isn’t okay.

I have been giving these explanations for my entire life, just to soften the blow instead of just saying, “Because I wanted/needed to.” I struggle with confrontation, as many people do, but for some reason this pushed me over the edge. I don’t know why this situation in particular stood out to me, but it did. I want to be able to get to a point where I feel comfortable and not criticized or attacked for what I do for myself. I know I can’t make everyone happy and like me, but I can make myself happy and like me, which is what I’m trying to do.

The homework for the week is to do something for yourself, even if it’s something small. For an hour, or even 30 minutes, do something for you. You are going to be stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, so make the relationship as smooth as possible.