Category: Me

Looking Back

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While I was sitting here trying to figure out what to write about, I went back to my poetry blog, Writing In the Street. I read a few of my pieces out loud before returning to the dilemma of figuring out what to write. That’s when a certain someone suggested that I write about my old work.

I started writing poetry and short stories when I was 14 years old, and I never stopped. I used to hate writing, truly hate it. Then, I met my 9th grade English teacher, Mr. Z. Not only was he passionate about English and teaching, he instilled his passion into me. He’s the reason I started writing, and I can never thank him enough.

I stopped writing for a while; I became extremely critical of and discouraged by my work, but that’s all changed. I got my inspiration back, and found a new muse. I’m really happy that I’m getting back into writing, especially with them by my side.

Take a Breath

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As my day comes to an end, I realize that it’s just the beginning. I spent the entire day smiling, which I haven’t done in a while. I can’t even begin to explain how I feel, and it’s so amazing and refreshing.

I thought for a long time that I was quickly reaching the end of my story, only to realize that it was just the end of a chapter. I feel better about everything, and I’m not as angry anymore. I’m happy I allowed myself a second chance, and I’m not letting it get away from me this time.

I hope everyone has a wonderful night, and knows how special they are. If you don’t have anyone to tell you that they love you tonight, then I will do it.

I love you, and I hope you have amazing dreams. You’re special and perfect, and only you can be you.

Goodnight!

Fate

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Sometimes when I sit down to write, I feel like Carrie from Sex and the City. I type and erase, think about Big for 6 seasons and dream about that beautiful walk-in closet. I don’t need some glamorous closet, or brunch with the girls. I just need Big.

Since life isn’t a TV show, though there have been some pretty unbelievable things happen in my life, there isn’t a script. We write our own story, cut away to memories with friends and family, and create our own laugh track.

As I sit here writing, I’m also fixing my path. I figured I was going to be one of those women who did it all on her own, but that’s all changed. I have some really great people in my life, and I can’t do it without them. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point, and I’m happy I stuck it out.

Life has a funny way of butting in, and now everything that has happened – every step and experience – makes sense.

Gotta Keep Fighting

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I got some rest today. I’m still out of it and my knees are killing me, but I’ve dealt with worse. I’m just happy I can still walk around and function. I’m also really happy that I wasn’t alone.

It was really early in the morning (between 3 and 4 AM), and I was in a call with someone who I would be lost without. They stayed with me and tried to keep me awake until I passed out. I realized in that moment, that I could truly trust them no matter what and I wasn’t alone. I’m happy to have them in my life and by my side, and I’m truly happy to call them my best friend.

It had to be the most interesting falls in my life: having my headset fly in the other room because I hit my head so hard, and making that connection. We never used to talk much, but I’m happy I made the connection again. I needed them there, and I just hope they want me around when they have a spaz attack and hit the ground.

I have a lot going through my mind now. I’m getting closer with new friends and old ones, and I finally feel like I can breathe again.

If you guys read this, and you know who you are, thank you for making my life so much brighter. We’re in this through thick and thin, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

A Few Loose Screws

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Well, I’m a dumbass. Yesterday, I was getting clothes for the day and I stumbled a bit. Then, once I caught myself, I ended up blacking out, falling and hitting my head on my door, as well as banging up the rest of my body. All I really remember is standing, and then being on the floor.

I’m doing alright, but I know I gave myself yet another concussion. My head feels like I’m coming down from getting drunk while also blowing up like a balloon, and my vision is a bit shaky. I’m going to be calling the doctor today to see what she thinks I should do.

I’m going to be taking it easy today, and try to get a little bit of work done. Hopefully, I will be back to normal in the next couple of days.

Getting Ready

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This week definitely had its ups and downs, but I feel good. I feel like I can take on anything, and it feels pretty great.

This weekend, I will be working, doing school work, and applying for a second job. If I want to be able to do the things I want and need to do, I need to do things I don’t really want to do. I remember when I was younger I didn’t want to be an adult, I just wanted to be old enough to have a bit of freedom. What I’ve learned is that freedom costs a pretty penny.

I know I’m going to have less free time, but maybe I will get to enjoy my down time a bit more if I have less of it. I know it won’t be easy, nothing is, but I have an amazing support team that drives me to better myself.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Shhh!

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Communication is apart of our everyday lives. I went the extra mile when I was 16, and broadened my horizons all the way to Australia. I was young, heartbroken and had access to the internet.

On that faithful day, I went on Omegle and my life changed. I thought it was so cool that I was talking to someone on the other side of the world. To keep it short, we ended up being pen pals, and he introduced my to his friends, and his friends to theirs and so on. I now know people not only sprinkled over Australia, but eventually met people in America.

I think about this day a lot (August 13, 2011), and how different everything would be if I never ditched online class that day. People come and go in life, and that’s no different with online friends, but I have found the relationships that I’ve formed online to be stronger than most of the relationships I’ve had with people in real life.

Recently, a lot happened, and I’m beyond happy that I have these people in my life. When I went through the breakup, I didn’t think I would ever get to meet my friends, but that’s all changed. The secret, in part, is that I’m still going out to Australia and I’m planning on meeting them. I want to be able to hang out and not have to worry about the router randomly turning off and kicking me from the internet.

Eventually, I will be able to go into detail about this secret, but it’s still in the planning stages and I’m trying to not get ahead of myself (which is extremely difficult for me).

As we reach the end of the week, I hope everyone enjoys their day and is starting to get ready for the weekend!

An Explanation

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In life, we give and are given many explanations to either clarify certain things or to defend our actions or opinions. It almost as if we’re on autopilot and just explain away everything we do. Is it always necessary?

Well, yes and no. It’s common courtesy to explain our actions if we hurt or upset anyone, or to iron out any details about a subject the recipient of the speech doesn’t understand. I don’t think it’s right to have to explain your reasoning if you’re trying to protect yourself or others.

Recently, I was put in this situation (to clarify, this isn’t about my breakup). It wasn’t the first time I was questioned for my actions, and I know it won’t be the last. Sometimes, personalities don’t mesh right and can lead to a toxic engagement between the two. I felt like I needed to step away and I was bombarded with questions and statements in front of others, which made me feel pressured to explain myself. In my mind, this isn’t okay.

I have been giving these explanations for my entire life, just to soften the blow instead of just saying, “Because I wanted/needed to.” I struggle with confrontation, as many people do, but for some reason this pushed me over the edge. I don’t know why this situation in particular stood out to me, but it did. I want to be able to get to a point where I feel comfortable and not criticized or attacked for what I do for myself. I know I can’t make everyone happy and like me, but I can make myself happy and like me, which is what I’m trying to do.

The homework for the week is to do something for yourself, even if it’s something small. For an hour, or even 30 minutes, do something for you. You are going to be stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, so make the relationship as smooth as possible.

My Favorite Dream Job

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Over the years, I have had many dreams of what I would be when I was older. I bounced around and tried a bit of everything: baker, interior designer, party planner, marine biologist, and many more. My favorite, however, was one I came up with in kindergarten. During my days of coloring and snack time, I wanted to be nothing else but a vampire slayer.

Now, I don’t remember thinking to myself, “You know what would be a good career? Vampire slayer.” I came across one of my drawing journals a few years ago and came across a drawing of me in a black dress and crayon blood all over the page. At the top, I wrote, “I want to be a vampir slaer.” Now, at 5 years old, I obviously didn’t realize that being a vampire slayer wasn’t a good career choice; a very difficult major and a small market!

Looking back, I was a very interesting child. I miss the days that jobs were merely a job and not a necessity. I also miss my vast imagination. I still have a lot of my creativity, but not as much as I did when I was younger. Life through a wet rag on my mind, but I’m slowly getting back to the mindset of anything is possible.