Category: Life

A Day Off

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Today, I will not be doing my nails or makeup, or doing work of any kind. I won’t be taking pictures, or planning out my days for the next 6 months. Today, I need to step back and take a day to do absolutely nothing. Before going any further, I would like to say that there is happiness in this post, just bear with me.

In previous posts, I have mentioned my depression and anxiety. I would like to delve a bit further into them in this post. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for almost 13 years, and the mood swing and anger issues that tag along with those.

I find that when I read about depression or anxiety, it’s very textbook and there is barely any emotion behind it. I would like to shed some light on my experiences. Depression and anxiety are, to put it simply, wicked bitches. They’re the girls in high school that get you in trouble, or a long night drinking followed by a day-long hangover and a missing wallet.

My depression comes in waves, whereas my anxiety is always lurking. I have learned to use my anxiety as a way to become more cautious, and to observe everything around me. Depression, on the other hand, I can’t control. Ignoring it just represses it, and accepting it pushes me further down the hole. So how do I deal with this?

Well, I fill my day with the most pointless and meaningful tasks. Keeping busy allows me to work through my depression subconsciously. Not only do I get things done, I start to feel better. I know I said that I won’t be doing a single thing today, but it’s the nothing that I do that will make me feel better. Watching hours of videos and playing phone games and just spacing out.

As sad as I am right now, I know that I am strong enough to get through it, like I always do. So, I’m going to plop myself down with a bag of chips and phone and just be. I know there are plenty of people out there who are going through the same thing, and I hope you all know that it’s okay to just do nothing. There are always more days ahead, and one day won’t be the end of the world. You are your own best friend and enemy. Take the day to learn about yourself, take yourself on a date, talk to yourself and, most importantly, try to be good to yourself.

I know this was a long post, but I feel like it needed to be written. If anyone that sees this needs someone to talk to, please use the contact form or comment. I always have my blog and email open, and will respond as soon as I get anything. You are not alone and I really hate when people tell me this, but it can get better (trust me, I want to punch myself in the face for saying that).

Nail Polish and Upcoming Plans

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Second day of doing my nails and I actually prefer doing my makeup! I’ve decided to skip the sheer polishes and I will circle back around to them at the end. I’ve also found a ton of stuff to do acrylic nails, so I might add that to my never-ending list of goals for this year!

Today, I will be doing my nails, and finishing up my bullet journal so I can actually use it! I also have an idea for a logo, so I will be playing around with that, too. I’m terrible at drawing, but I feel like the logo needs my personality in it. Outside of this, I will be working and going through my courses.

Also, as of right now, I am up to 20 followers on this blog and I would like to thank all of you who to the time to view and like my content, as well as follow me on my journey. When I started this project a little over 2 weeks ago, I didn’t think I would see much traffic for the first couple of months, but all of you proved me wrong! It’s a huge confidence booster for me as a writer and a person. So, in short, thank you so much for giving me another reason to keep this blog going!

That’s about it for now. Over the next few days, the website is going to get a face lift. Once the logo is done, I can start to really buckle down and get started on creating videos. I have a handful of ideas that cover so many different topics, so I will figure out what direction I want to go in. I guess that’s why I chose Rooplixoo; it can go in so many different directions, and I think it suits me. Through this project, I am going in so many directions and I am truly having a great time doing all of this.

Taking a Break

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Today started off really well for me actually, minus the one or two petty things. I got a few more hours before I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I screamed and cried until I couldn’t.

Between getting dragged into other’s bullshit and trying to battle my depression, I am weakened and I don’t want to do anything. I know I will get up tomorrow and keep going, but I’m getting off my personal social media accounts for a while. This weekend will be spent working on this and data entry (that’s what I do for work).

A few people in my life don’t understand why I’m always so stressed. I mean, I work, go to school and even socialize all from my room. I should actually have very limited stress, but I don’t. I might get to stay in sweats all day, but I pay for comfort by being a listening ear. I am an emotional dumpster for everyone. I vent a lot, but I can’t do it anymore.

For a while, I believed that a lot of my problems would be eliminated if I removed everyone from my life. I have dealt with so much, and I keep going, but I think I repressed many of my emotions along the way in an attempt to keep myself from completely losing myself. I would like to get those back.

I wish I had a happier post for Friday. I do have an idea of my schedule for Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. Fridays will have one post and eventually Instagram/Twitter posts. Weekends will have no posts but be used as planning days for the upcoming week. I want to organize my site a little better, and start designing my logo.

The reason my day started off well was because I am up to 6 followers on this blog. I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has spent time looking at my blog, liking my content and following. It amazes me how many people this blog has reached, and I am extremely proud of myself for sticking with this.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, and I’ll see all of you back here Monday morning!

A Simpler Time

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I spent the day thinking and realized that I need to be happy, no matter what it takes. Above is a picture of me and my great-grandmother from around 1996. I obviously don’t remember this photo being taken, but I remember her fondly.

In that photo I am smiling. I didn’t have a reason not to smile. I had no problems then; everything was simple. Now, it goes without saying, I was a pain-in-the-ass kid. I know I was because I still am! The only things that have changed are my height, and my views on the world around me.

If I can somehow get back to the mindset that everything is amazing, I would be better off. So, that’s an additional goal for me: to enjoy everything as much as I can! Whether it’s dance parties in my room, or spending hours on Skype with my extended family, I will start having fun and going with the flow.

I came to the conclusion that I can’t control everything that happens, but I can control myself. If I have to schedule time to have fun or force myself to do so, then I will. I’m not going to let my mind take over anymore, I’m the boss now and it’s about time I start acting like it!

There will be more makeup, more pictures, more everything! 2018 is the year I get shit done and move forward with my life!

Getting Personal

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For the past few days, I will get up early, stay up for a while and then pass out until the late afternoon. Not the greatest thing for trying to maintain a schedule. At first I thought I was getting sick, or I’m just extremely tired because it’s getting dark out earlier. Both of these things could be working together to make me tired, but I finally figured out what it is. Depression.

I have been dealing with depression and other mental problems since I was 10 years old. The list includes:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • ADD/ADHD

These three things are very common and, from my understanding, each one can cause the other. Unfortunately, I don’t know which one is the ring leader. I have been in therapy for a couple of years, and on waiting lists for a couple of psychiatrists for months now.

I have tried everything from meditation to hemp oil, as well as a cocktail of medication. Nothing except for my anti-anxiety pills have worked. I have chemical and trauma-based depression, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and combined ADD/ADHD. All of my problems are very common, and many people have told me it’s because I’m young. I hope they’re right but I doubt they are. I think as I get older, I will have a better grasp on coping mechanisms, which in turn will help me avoid sleeping all day and feeling alone.

I have been told I chose to be this way, and that I can stop whenever I want to. I wish I could stop. I wish I could flip a switch and all my thoughts would be happy, and that I wouldn’t feel like a failure. All these things take time to get better, but I still don’t believe that I have all of this because I’m young.

This isn’t my first project, but I feel like I can open up and get somewhere in my life with this one. The fact that I sat down and did a full face of makeup the other day was a huge accomplishment. I have held myself responsible for this blog, and I won’t let it die. I have put a lot of time into it, and I don’t want to add another project to my incomplete list.

I’m forcing myself now to snap out of this mindset by keeping busy, and it’s the best I can do right now. I know once I have a full schedule, I won’t have time to sleep all day. I want to be happy and enjoy the small things.

A Lesson Learned

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Last night I made the mistake of going to bed without washing my face. The makeup still looked decent, but it was plastered onto my face! Water couldn’t get this stuff off of me!

This has happened to me before, but I didn’t care and just let it wash off when it wanted to. With this project, I have to stay on top of this.

Today, I actually used towelettes and a peel-off face mask for their intended purposes: to clean and refresh! I honestly forgot I had these, but I remember only using the towelettes in the summer because they felt cool on my face, and the face mask because I enjoyed peeling it off my face. They’re actually useful and would highly recommend Burt’s Bees and Freeman products to anyone starting off with makeup or looking to try something new!

My ideal daily routine is as followed:

  1. Wake up and wash up
  2. First blog post
  3. Makeup and take pictures
  4. School and work
  5. Wash face
  6. Second blog post
  7. Sleep

Once I nail waking up at a normal hour and staying up, it’ll get easier. I originally started writing this post at 10 AM, and it’s now 4:30 PM. I have never had a great sleeping pattern, but my body is now completely out of whack.

I won’t be doing makeup today, but I will be working on my bullet journal and school. I am going to keep trying to get this right, no matter what it takes!

 

 

 

 

Beginning of a New Week

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It’s Monday again, and I finally get to start on the main part of my project: becoming more feminine!

Pictured above is my vanity. It’s… well, a disaster! Tons of eye shadow, pencils, mascara and foundations live on, inside and under this vanity. It’s gotten a bit out of hand, so I ill be spending my day swatching, throwing away and organizing where I will be spending most of my time in the morning from now on.

Once my vanity is clean and put together, I will begin my journey of learning how to do my makeup. I mean, I didn’t get to 22 without learning a few things, but I want to learn all the tricks to putting on gallons on foundation and looking natural. I want to be able to do my eyeliner without having one eye look like I just walked away from a fight. Most importantly, though, I want to feel pretty.

I know, I should love the way I look but I honestly don’t. I wouldn’t have the amount of makeup I do if I liked the way I looked. I’m hoping that by doing my makeup every single day, I will learn to see myself in a flattering light.

It’s time to step out of the old and into the new. Here’s to the beginning of a fresh start!

The Game Plan

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I think I need to do this project in steps. I can’t just dive in and become some girly girl. I want to actually get something out of  this, so I’m going to do it properly. The tasks I have created for the first week of this year is to get organized!

My room is, for lack of a better word, a disaster. Every flat surface has a ton of random stuff on it, one section of my room is dedicated to the ever-growing Clothes Mountain, and my closet is a black hole where clothes go to die.

I think my goals for this week should be:

  1. Work my way through my closet until I can see my floor again.
  2. Organize my dresser.
  3. Demolish Clothes Mountain and utilize my closet and dresser.
  4. Go surface to surface and clean up.
  5. Throw out what I don’t need, and sell/donate items that are in good condition.

I will be keeping inventory of everything I go through so I can see just how much I have. This might take longer than a week, but it’s still early in the year, so I have time.

I know I have a lot of things, and one of the main goals I have is to get rid of a lot of it, but I can’t do that until I know what I actually have!

So, without further ado, let the games begin!