Category: Me

A Simpler Time

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I spent the day thinking and realized that I need to be happy, no matter what it takes. Above is a picture of me and my great-grandmother from around 1996. I obviously don’t remember this photo being taken, but I remember her fondly.

In that photo I am smiling. I didn’t have a reason not to smile. I had no problems then; everything was simple. Now, it goes without saying, I was a pain-in-the-ass kid. I know I was because I still am! The only things that have changed are my height, and my views on the world around me.

If I can somehow get back to the mindset that everything is amazing, I would be better off. So, that’s an additional goal for me: to enjoy everything as much as I can! Whether it’s dance parties in my room, or spending hours on Skype with my extended family, I will start having fun and going with the flow.

I came to the conclusion that I can’t control everything that happens, but I can control myself. If I have to schedule time to have fun or force myself to do so, then I will. I’m not going to let my mind take over anymore, I’m the boss now and it’s about time I start acting like it!

There will be more makeup, more pictures, more everything! 2018 is the year I get shit done and move forward with my life!

Getting Personal

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For the past few days, I will get up early, stay up for a while and then pass out until the late afternoon. Not the greatest thing for trying to maintain a schedule. At first I thought I was getting sick, or I’m just extremely tired because it’s getting dark out earlier. Both of these things could be working together to make me tired, but I finally figured out what it is. Depression.

I have been dealing with depression and other mental problems since I was 10 years old. The list includes:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • ADD/ADHD

These three things are very common and, from my understanding, each one can cause the other. Unfortunately, I don’t know which one is the ring leader. I have been in therapy for a couple of years, and on waiting lists for a couple of psychiatrists for months now.

I have tried everything from meditation to hemp oil, as well as a cocktail of medication. Nothing except for my anti-anxiety pills have worked. I have chemical and trauma-based depression, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and combined ADD/ADHD. All of my problems are very common, and many people have told me it’s because I’m young. I hope they’re right but I doubt they are. I think as I get older, I will have a better grasp on coping mechanisms, which in turn will help me avoid sleeping all day and feeling alone.

I have been told I chose to be this way, and that I can stop whenever I want to. I wish I could stop. I wish I could flip a switch and all my thoughts would be happy, and that I wouldn’t feel like a failure. All these things take time to get better, but I still don’t believe that I have all of this because I’m young.

This isn’t my first project, but I feel like I can open up and get somewhere in my life with this one. The fact that I sat down and did a full face of makeup the other day was a huge accomplishment. I have held myself responsible for this blog, and I won’t let it die. I have put a lot of time into it, and I don’t want to add another project to my incomplete list.

I’m forcing myself now to snap out of this mindset by keeping busy, and it’s the best I can do right now. I know once I have a full schedule, I won’t have time to sleep all day. I want to be happy and enjoy the small things.

First Bullet Journal

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Today was pretty good. I got back into my school work and organized things for my job, as well as get everything together for my very first bullet journal!

I am terrible at keeping track of things, and I know task lists help me more than anything. Task lists won’t be able to keep track of everything I need to do for work, school and this blog, so I figured that I would have a book that I could keep everything organized, from blog post ideas to my hours for work!

Basically, everything I need to do in my day-to-day life will be in this book. There are so many things I want and need to do, that I need to micromanage myself so I don’t fall behind and become even more overwhelmed than I already am.

On the list of things I want to do with Rooplixoo, I want to start making videos. I keep saying that I’m going to film my journey (which includes many different areas of interest), but I constantly put it off.

I’ve never done this before but, for anyone who reads this, comment on this post if you like the content, if you would change something I do, or anything else. Eventually, I would like to have a community of people like me who are trying to grasp the concept of life while also having fun.

A Lesson Learned

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Last night I made the mistake of going to bed without washing my face. The makeup still looked decent, but it was plastered onto my face! Water couldn’t get this stuff off of me!

This has happened to me before, but I didn’t care and just let it wash off when it wanted to. With this project, I have to stay on top of this.

Today, I actually used towelettes and a peel-off face mask for their intended purposes: to clean and refresh! I honestly forgot I had these, but I remember only using the towelettes in the summer because they felt cool on my face, and the face mask because I enjoyed peeling it off my face. They’re actually useful and would highly recommend Burt’s Bees and Freeman products to anyone starting off with makeup or looking to try something new!

My ideal daily routine is as followed:

  1. Wake up and wash up
  2. First blog post
  3. Makeup and take pictures
  4. School and work
  5. Wash face
  6. Second blog post
  7. Sleep

Once I nail waking up at a normal hour and staying up, it’ll get easier. I originally started writing this post at 10 AM, and it’s now 4:30 PM. I have never had a great sleeping pattern, but my body is now completely out of whack.

I won’t be doing makeup today, but I will be working on my bullet journal and school. I am going to keep trying to get this right, no matter what it takes!

 

 

 

 

First Day with Makeup

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So I finally got to this point. I cleaned, organized and prepared all so I could start doing my makeup.

When I sat down at my vanity, I felt extremely overwhelmed and I wasn’t going to do it. After a minute or so, I started and didn’t stop for 1.5 hours! Primer, foundation, and powders took about 30 minutes; trying to get an even complexion is way harder than I thought.

After that was eye shadow, which I really don’t know how to properly use. I know it goes on the lid and that there’s supposed to be layering and blending, but I just throw one color on and that’s it.

Eyeliner was a disaster. The photo doesn’t do the bad job justice. My hands were shaking and it looks like I have never done eyeliner before in my life. In my defense, I was using a new felt pen but I shouldn’t have messed up that badly.

Finally, as I reached the end of the hour and a half, I threw on mascara, lip stick and I was done. I forgot to use my finishing spray, but I wasn’t going out so that’s okay!

I got powder all over myself and my vanity, dropped about 6 brushes, and pinched my eyelid with my eyelash curler. I think the result looks great, and I know I am going to be doing this again tomorrow.

I didn’t get to all of my goals today, but seeing how I look with makeup on gave me a huge confidence boost and it makes me want to be able to see myself like this everyday. The only thing I need to really figure out right now is how to do my hair and not letting it air dry with curl cream in it!

Today was a success! Hoping this is the start of something great!

A bit Late

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I was up at 7 AM, but I thought I was strong enough to lie down for a little and not fall asleep. I was wrong. I woke up at 12 PM and fed Poe (my tortoise), and now, at 3 PM. The cold weather isn’t helping me keep a semi-normal sleep schedule.

I had a lot I wanted to do today, and even though it’s late, I’m still going to try to get it all done. My plan is to take a shower, actually do something with my hair, try doing my makeup, work, school and possibly a load of laundry. Somewhere in all of that, I will take a food break!

My New Year’s Resolution is not the typical one, but I refuse to fail this early in the game! I know I can do this, I just need to stop sleeping so much so I can. One of the main reasons for me getting up early and doing my makeup everyday is so I can get a routine. I will eventually get in the swing of things!

I will keep this short, because now I need to actually start my day! Better late than never!

My Vanity is Clean!

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I accomplished what I set out to do today! I cleaned up my vanity and everything is organized… sadly, I learned that I have a serious makeup hoarding problem!

I kept track of everything and here are the totals:

  • Powders/foundation – 20
  • Eye shadow pallets – 13
  • Eye shadow pots – 8
  • Bronzer/blush/highlighter – 2
  • Eyeliner – 12
  • Mascara – 8
  • Fake eyelashes – 5 pairs
  • Nail polish – 153 in my room
  • Lipstick/gloss – 93
  • Lip pallets – 2

I started off with the drawer on the right, which was a bit of a disaster. It is now dedicated to powders, foundation and eye shadow.

Drawer 1 - before + after

I then moved onto the drawer to my left, which was surprisingly clean. It now holds eyeliner, mascara, a cup of hair ties and clips, fake eyelashes and a small box of nail polish.

Drawer 2 - before + after

They’re still a disaster, but an organized disaster and I can deal with that! I do, however, have a problem… I don’t know how I will get through all of my lip products and nail polish.

Nail and Lip

I mean, that’s a ridiculous! I have way too much makeup and beauty products for someone who rarely does their makeup. That’s going to change, though!

Starting tomorrow, I will be adding makeup and nails to my daily routine. I can honestly say that it’s going to take me a while to get through all of it, especially since I barely use any of it properly!

I guess it’s time to settle in for the night so I can wake up and start being a girl.

Beginning of a New Week

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It’s Monday again, and I finally get to start on the main part of my project: becoming more feminine!

Pictured above is my vanity. It’s… well, a disaster! Tons of eye shadow, pencils, mascara and foundations live on, inside and under this vanity. It’s gotten a bit out of hand, so I ill be spending my day swatching, throwing away and organizing where I will be spending most of my time in the morning from now on.

Once my vanity is clean and put together, I will begin my journey of learning how to do my makeup. I mean, I didn’t get to 22 without learning a few things, but I want to learn all the tricks to putting on gallons on foundation and looking natural. I want to be able to do my eyeliner without having one eye look like I just walked away from a fight. Most importantly, though, I want to feel pretty.

I know, I should love the way I look but I honestly don’t. I wouldn’t have the amount of makeup I do if I liked the way I looked. I’m hoping that by doing my makeup every single day, I will learn to see myself in a flattering light.

It’s time to step out of the old and into the new. Here’s to the beginning of a fresh start!

The Mystery of the White Button

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Day 2 of laundry, and I came across a white button in the dryer. I will be spending tomorrow morning going through my clothes as well as finishing up my laundry to figure out where the button belongs.

I don’t recall any of my clothes having round, white buttons, but that doesn’t mean anything; my memory is truly terrible.

It’s getting late and I’m tired from today. This weekend I will be finishing up my cleaning and working on a logo, and hopefully by Monday, I will be moving onto the second phase of this project as well as picking up school and work again. I know there will be speed bumps, but that doesn’t mean I have to give up.

Clothes Mountain: Starting Over?

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Yesterday went off with out a hitch… that is, until I realized that what I had thought I had accomplished wasn’t yet done.

The picture above is a half full laundry basket. Someone, who will remain anonymous, took my laundry out of the dryer before it was completely dry and put it haphazardly into the laundry basket, so it’s wrinkled. Then, while I was going through the basket to see if maybe there was anything I could salvage before having to do the entire load again, I found a torn up dryer sheet; this wouldn’t be any issue for most people, but I have extremely sensitive skin and those things make me break out in hives. I now have to redo the first load, and I fear I will have to redo the second load, too.

I understand that it’s just laundry and it can be washed again, shit happens, but I get extremely pissed when I have a schedule to stick to and it gets messed up and I have to do certain tasks all over again.

I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I was extremely proud of myself yesterday and now I’m just upset. My boyfriend is the only reason I didn’t drop the project.

Doing laundry is a repetitive task, but having to do the first load over again is aggravating. I really don’t have another choice, so I might as well just get started and hope that I get more done today than I did yesterday