Tag: moving forward

Shifting Gears

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This week and next, I’m going to be strictly focusing on work and school. I want to get a lot done and I woke up today feeling driven to do so.

For work, I do data entry for two co-op buildings. I enter everything from maintenance requests to information about the units. It’s not the most exciting job, but I can literally work whenever I want.

For school, my main course is web development, while dabbling in software design, light IT, graphic design, and app development. I have taken on a ton of courses since September, but what better time to do all this than when I have all the time in the world? I enjoy coding; it’s like I’m constantly solving puzzles, and I love puzzles. At the rate I’m going, I’m going to be a forever student and I’m completely fine with this.

Between this blog, school, work and my social life, my time is spent mostly on the computer and it works for me. I enjoy immersing myself in technology, so I made it so I love everything I do.

I hope everyone has a beautiful Monday!

Moving On

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I think I’ve spent enough thinking about how to write this post and I’m ready to open up. Recently, between the 11th and the 17th, I went through a break and eventually a breakup. I spent that week putting everything into perspective and trying to see if I could get past what happened. Obviously, I wasn’t able to. I’m okay now. I no longer hold the anger of an ex, but the rage of someone who can’t stand lies.

To keep things short, there was a trip and a lot of things were kept from me. It goes a lot deeper than that, but I’m not in the mood to go into detail. Now, I know being evasive isn’t technically lying, but not telling the truth is lying. Unfortunately, I needed to suggest a break to get the truth, but at that point, it was too late.

During the breakup, I did my best to stay civil, and I did my best to not place too much blame. I even apologized. Not only did I not get an apology, I didn’t get any closure from him. I’ve had a lot of people  in my life leave with loose ends but, in that moment, I realized that I wasted almost 2 years of my life on someone who I thought I knew.

Like I said, I am completely fine and have moved past it. The fact that I didn’t even get the courtesy of an apology in the end, after all the lies and bullshit, makes my blood boil. Realizing that I had just been in the same situation again makes me mad at myself.

Over the past two weeks, though, I realized that I deserve to be happy, and I did just that. Through everything that happened, I still managed to smile and laugh and enjoy my time.

I walked away a better person, and I’m going to continue to grow and feel better about myself.

You know, I am sorry, though. I’m sorry to myself.

A Good Night

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Happy Margarita Day everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful night, I know I did! Tonight I let my guard down and had fun with my mom! We had drinks, blasted music and had a ton of laughs.

Before I started drinking, I worked on my secret journal and got some school work done. I also did a lot of thinking today about my life and I know exactly what I need and want to do.

Today, overall, was a bit uneventful but sometimes boring is good. I am happy and calm, which I deserve to be.

I hope everyone had a great day, margaritas or not! Until tomorrow, have a goodnight!

As the Hours Pass

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I have spent many hours on the little black book. I didn’t even realize what time it is until I realized my playlist started over… twice! I can’t wait to be done setting up this journal so I can finally use it.

Yesterday, I managed to get all of the dye off my face, but my hands are still a nice shade of blue. I ended up leaving the house, though, to get dinner with my mom! We had a great time and we ended up stopping at the little convenience store before heading home. There, a very kind woman complimented my hair and we spent about 5 minutes talking about hair dye!

I’m so happy I have found the energy to keep going. I’m even happier that I’m enjoying music again, and singing until my vocal cords are sore. I still have a long way to go, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was definitely worth the wait!

The Secret

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Most girls have little, black dresses…. I have a little, black notebook. I have a plethora of notebooks, but this one is special; this one will hold secrets that cannot be revealed as of yet.

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster, some bad and a lot of good. I am getting back on track with my life, and everything seems bright again. My entire perspective has changed; it scares me, but in the best way possible. The past few weeks have given me hope for my future, and it’s truly amazing.

I wish I could shout from the roof tops about how I’m feeling, but that would generate noise complaints, and it’s being kept under wraps for now… which is where the notebook comes into play! I will be writing everything down and keeping track of it all so when everything has settled down, I can write about it here.

At this point, only a few people know what’s going on in my life, which I really like. I feel like a spy on a top-secret mission. I’m so excited for this mission, just thinking about it puts a smile on my face.

Every girl has her secrets, it keeps the mystery alive!

Confidence Boost

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Today was a good day for my confidence. I absolutely love my blue hair and how it makes me feel. Even though my nails and skin match my hair, I feel like I can take on anything that’s thrown at me!

When I was waiting for the dye to take, I had a lot of time to think about everything that has happened over the past few weeks. I thought about everyone in my life and how they have helped me grow into who I am today. I am so grateful for everyone who I hold close to my heart and I can’t picture my life without them.

Since we’re on the note of being happy and grateful for what we have, I reached 41 followers! I am beyond excited to know that this project is continuing to grow and that you guys enjoy my writing. Blogging has always been an outlet for me, and I’m so happy that I get to share it with so many people!

I hope everyone had a wonderful day!

Deep Blue

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I’m now a blue-head girl! I decided to dye my hair blue again because it’s my favorite color, and what better color to get back into dying my hair than blue! I also dyed part of my face, my hands, and parts of my arms!

My hair is still wet, but when it dries I will definitely be taking a ton of photos. I ended up using Splat hair dye, which I haven’t used since high school, but I am extremely happy with how it turned out.

Now, with blue hands, I am off to do some work!

Blondes Have More Fun

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The first step of changing my hair has been taken! I covered my head in bleach and now I’m blonde (again)! I won’t be for long, though, for tomorrow I will be adding the mystery color! The only thing I can say is that I’ve had this color before and I’m very excited to revisit it.

I’ve truly missed the art of dyeing my hair, and I’m happy that I’m back at it! I find it strangely relaxing, and with my anxiety, I could stand to do more things that relax me. I’m not going to lie and say I have the toughest life, but I tend to get overwhelmed which causes me to stress about everything.

Outside of bleaching my hair, I got to spend the entire day with my lovely mom! We went to breakfast and just hung out. I love spending time with my mom, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I hope everyone had a great start to their week, and here’s to surviving Monday!

New Look

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I got a haircut, and I couldn’t be happier! I’ve been needing to get one for a while, and originally it was only going to be a trim. I decided to get a bit more taken off the ends, and now I have short hair. I am extremely happy with how it turned out, and I can’t wait to start messing around with different styles… and maybe a few colors, too!

I also went to the doctor’s today, which I have been dreading for a while. I have never liked going to the doctor, though, I don’t think anyone does. I was extremely nervous and completely worried for nothing. I have absolutely nothing (new) wrong with me, and I actually enjoyed the check up. Everyone was super nice and understanding.

Overall, today was good. I got to spend the day with my mom, I got a new look and a great new doctor. I also had a ton of food for dinner, and I’m slipping in and out of a food coma.

I hope everyone has a fantastic and relaxing weekend!

Honesty

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In all walks of life, it is always best to be open and honest. No one is perfect, I know I’m sure as hell not. Sometimes we get afraid, or we feel like we can’t say what we really mean. Pictured above is me with the woman who instilled that in me. She is the most beautiful and caring woman I know, and I’m proud to call her my mom. Isn’t she stunning?

Over the years, my mom has given me the strength to be myself, and enough knowledge to make me extremely stubborn. We’re Italian, so being hard-headed is embedded in our DNA. With being stubborn, I have learned to fight not only for what I think is right, but to stand up for myself.

Recently, I was faced with something that absolutely destroyed me: the loss of trust. Normally, I would just leave and move on, but I decided to sit on it and figure out how I was going to deal with it. Over the past week, I’ve had some time to reflect on everything that happened and come to terms with everything. I haven’t really changed my view on it, but I’m no longer angry or hurt by what took place. It took every ounce of strength my mom gave to get through this.

I want to thank my mom for being there for me, no matter how awful I was being. From name calling to the terrible twos that she’s still trying to get me to grow out of, I am amazed her hair isn’t white! I hope she knows how much I love her, and that even though I’m getting older, I will always need my mom. I will always need to hear her say “cool beans”, and to tell her terrible jokes which I love.

I love you, mama!