Tag: change

A Throwback

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Well, it’s Monday again and I have a full week ahead of me. I finally have an idea for a logo, and a few video ideas, too! I’m happy that I use the weekends as days to plan and relax, it helps a lot. I actually missed writing here everyday!

Over the weekend, I decided to look at my Facebook memories and this picture came up. This was taken 5 years ago when I was a senior in high school, and was posing in the kitchen the night before my senior pictures were going to be taken. I absolutely love that dress, and I wish I knew where that hat was. Today, I will be doing my makeup, putting on that dress and doing a mini-photo shoot! I don’t exactly know how I will take the photos without all of them being selfies, but I will figure it out!

Another thing that happened this weekend is I learned a very important lesson: don’t go out of your way for people who wouldn’t do the same for you. I have done this a lot, and always feel let down in return. Any relationship is a two-way street, and they should be equal. So, my new rule is that when they give an inch, I’ll give an inch. They pull back, I pull back. As long as I’m happy with myself, that’s all that matters! My energy is going to be focused on me and the ones I care about.

The girl in the picture up there had fun, and that’s what I aim to do from now on!

I’m excited to see how the photo shoot turns out, so I guess I have to get started!

Taking a Break

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Today started off really well for me actually, minus the one or two petty things. I got a few more hours before I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I screamed and cried until I couldn’t.

Between getting dragged into other’s bullshit and trying to battle my depression, I am weakened and I don’t want to do anything. I know I will get up tomorrow and keep going, but I’m getting off my personal social media accounts for a while. This weekend will be spent working on this and data entry (that’s what I do for work).

A few people in my life don’t understand why I’m always so stressed. I mean, I work, go to school and even socialize all from my room. I should actually have very limited stress, but I don’t. I might get to stay in sweats all day, but I pay for comfort by being a listening ear. I am an emotional dumpster for everyone. I vent a lot, but I can’t do it anymore.

For a while, I believed that a lot of my problems would be eliminated if I removed everyone from my life. I have dealt with so much, and I keep going, but I think I repressed many of my emotions along the way in an attempt to keep myself from completely losing myself. I would like to get those back.

I wish I had a happier post for Friday. I do have an idea of my schedule for Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. Fridays will have one post and eventually Instagram/Twitter posts. Weekends will have no posts but be used as planning days for the upcoming week. I want to organize my site a little better, and start designing my logo.

The reason my day started off well was because I am up to 6 followers on this blog. I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has spent time looking at my blog, liking my content and following. It amazes me how many people this blog has reached, and I am extremely proud of myself for sticking with this.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, and I’ll see all of you back here Monday morning!

A Simpler Time

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I spent the day thinking and realized that I need to be happy, no matter what it takes. Above is a picture of me and my great-grandmother from around 1996. I obviously don’t remember this photo being taken, but I remember her fondly.

In that photo I am smiling. I didn’t have a reason not to smile. I had no problems then; everything was simple. Now, it goes without saying, I was a pain-in-the-ass kid. I know I was because I still am! The only things that have changed are my height, and my views on the world around me.

If I can somehow get back to the mindset that everything is amazing, I would be better off. So, that’s an additional goal for me: to enjoy everything as much as I can! Whether it’s dance parties in my room, or spending hours on Skype with my extended family, I will start having fun and going with the flow.

I came to the conclusion that I can’t control everything that happens, but I can control myself. If I have to schedule time to have fun or force myself to do so, then I will. I’m not going to let my mind take over anymore, I’m the boss now and it’s about time I start acting like it!

There will be more makeup, more pictures, more everything! 2018 is the year I get shit done and move forward with my life!

First Day with Makeup

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So I finally got to this point. I cleaned, organized and prepared all so I could start doing my makeup.

When I sat down at my vanity, I felt extremely overwhelmed and I wasn’t going to do it. After a minute or so, I started and didn’t stop for 1.5 hours! Primer, foundation, and powders took about 30 minutes; trying to get an even complexion is way harder than I thought.

After that was eye shadow, which I really don’t know how to properly use. I know it goes on the lid and that there’s supposed to be layering and blending, but I just throw one color on and that’s it.

Eyeliner was a disaster. The photo doesn’t do the bad job justice. My hands were shaking and it looks like I have never done eyeliner before in my life. In my defense, I was using a new felt pen but I shouldn’t have messed up that badly.

Finally, as I reached the end of the hour and a half, I threw on mascara, lip stick and I was done. I forgot to use my finishing spray, but I wasn’t going out so that’s okay!

I got powder all over myself and my vanity, dropped about 6 brushes, and pinched my eyelid with my eyelash curler. I think the result looks great, and I know I am going to be doing this again tomorrow.

I didn’t get to all of my goals today, but seeing how I look with makeup on gave me a huge confidence boost and it makes me want to be able to see myself like this everyday. The only thing I need to really figure out right now is how to do my hair and not letting it air dry with curl cream in it!

Today was a success! Hoping this is the start of something great!

My Vanity is Clean!

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I accomplished what I set out to do today! I cleaned up my vanity and everything is organized… sadly, I learned that I have a serious makeup hoarding problem!

I kept track of everything and here are the totals:

  • Powders/foundation – 20
  • Eye shadow pallets – 13
  • Eye shadow pots – 8
  • Bronzer/blush/highlighter – 2
  • Eyeliner – 12
  • Mascara – 8
  • Fake eyelashes – 5 pairs
  • Nail polish – 153 in my room
  • Lipstick/gloss – 93
  • Lip pallets – 2

I started off with the drawer on the right, which was a bit of a disaster. It is now dedicated to powders, foundation and eye shadow.

Drawer 1 - before + after

I then moved onto the drawer to my left, which was surprisingly clean. It now holds eyeliner, mascara, a cup of hair ties and clips, fake eyelashes and a small box of nail polish.

Drawer 2 - before + after

They’re still a disaster, but an organized disaster and I can deal with that! I do, however, have a problem… I don’t know how I will get through all of my lip products and nail polish.

Nail and Lip

I mean, that’s a ridiculous! I have way too much makeup and beauty products for someone who rarely does their makeup. That’s going to change, though!

Starting tomorrow, I will be adding makeup and nails to my daily routine. I can honestly say that it’s going to take me a while to get through all of it, especially since I barely use any of it properly!

I guess it’s time to settle in for the night so I can wake up and start being a girl.

Beginning of a New Week

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It’s Monday again, and I finally get to start on the main part of my project: becoming more feminine!

Pictured above is my vanity. It’s… well, a disaster! Tons of eye shadow, pencils, mascara and foundations live on, inside and under this vanity. It’s gotten a bit out of hand, so I ill be spending my day swatching, throwing away and organizing where I will be spending most of my time in the morning from now on.

Once my vanity is clean and put together, I will begin my journey of learning how to do my makeup. I mean, I didn’t get to 22 without learning a few things, but I want to learn all the tricks to putting on gallons on foundation and looking natural. I want to be able to do my eyeliner without having one eye look like I just walked away from a fight. Most importantly, though, I want to feel pretty.

I know, I should love the way I look but I honestly don’t. I wouldn’t have the amount of makeup I do if I liked the way I looked. I’m hoping that by doing my makeup every single day, I will learn to see myself in a flattering light.

It’s time to step out of the old and into the new. Here’s to the beginning of a fresh start!