Tag: story

An Explanation

Published on by RooLeave a comment

In life, we give and are given many explanations to either clarify certain things or to defend our actions or opinions. It almost as if we’re on autopilot and just explain away everything we do. Is it always necessary?

Well, yes and no. It’s common courtesy to explain our actions if we hurt or upset anyone, or to iron out any details about a subject the recipient of the speech doesn’t understand. I don’t think it’s right to have to explain your reasoning if you’re trying to protect yourself or others.

Recently, I was put in this situation (to clarify, this isn’t about my breakup). It wasn’t the first time I was questioned for my actions, and I know it won’t be the last. Sometimes, personalities don’t mesh right and can lead to a toxic engagement between the two. I felt like I needed to step away and I was bombarded with questions and statements in front of others, which made me feel pressured to explain myself. In my mind, this isn’t okay.

I have been giving these explanations for my entire life, just to soften the blow instead of just saying, “Because I wanted/needed to.” I struggle with confrontation, as many people do, but for some reason this pushed me over the edge. I don’t know why this situation in particular stood out to me, but it did. I want to be able to get to a point where I feel comfortable and not criticized or attacked for what I do for myself. I know I can’t make everyone happy and like me, but I can make myself happy and like me, which is what I’m trying to do.

The homework for the week is to do something for yourself, even if it’s something small. For an hour, or even 30 minutes, do something for you. You are going to be stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, so make the relationship as smooth as possible.

My Favorite Dream Job

Published on by RooLeave a comment

Over the years, I have had many dreams of what I would be when I was older. I bounced around and tried a bit of everything: baker, interior designer, party planner, marine biologist, and many more. My favorite, however, was one I came up with in kindergarten. During my days of coloring and snack time, I wanted to be nothing else but a vampire slayer.

Now, I don’t remember thinking to myself, “You know what would be a good career? Vampire slayer.” I came across one of my drawing journals a few years ago and came across a drawing of me in a black dress and crayon blood all over the page. At the top, I wrote, “I want to be a vampir slaer.” Now, at 5 years old, I obviously didn’t realize that being a vampire slayer wasn’t a good career choice; a very difficult major and a small market!

Looking back, I was a very interesting child. I miss the days that jobs were merely a job and not a necessity. I also miss my vast imagination. I still have a lot of my creativity, but not as much as I did when I was younger. Life through a wet rag on my mind, but I’m slowly getting back to the mindset of anything is possible.

 

Moving On

Published on by RooLeave a comment

I think I’ve spent enough thinking about how to write this post and I’m ready to open up. Recently, between the 11th and the 17th, I went through a break and eventually a breakup. I spent that week putting everything into perspective and trying to see if I could get past what happened. Obviously, I wasn’t able to. I’m okay now. I no longer hold the anger of an ex, but the rage of someone who can’t stand lies.

To keep things short, there was a trip and a lot of things were kept from me. It goes a lot deeper than that, but I’m not in the mood to go into detail. Now, I know being evasive isn’t technically lying, but not telling the truth is lying. Unfortunately, I needed to suggest a break to get the truth, but at that point, it was too late.

During the breakup, I did my best to stay civil, and I did my best to not place too much blame. I even apologized. Not only did I not get an apology, I didn’t get any closure from him. I’ve had a lot of people  in my life leave with loose ends but, in that moment, I realized that I wasted almost 2 years of my life on someone who I thought I knew.

Like I said, I am completely fine and have moved past it. The fact that I didn’t even get the courtesy of an apology in the end, after all the lies and bullshit, makes my blood boil. Realizing that I had just been in the same situation again makes me mad at myself.

Over the past two weeks, though, I realized that I deserve to be happy, and I did just that. Through everything that happened, I still managed to smile and laugh and enjoy my time.

I walked away a better person, and I’m going to continue to grow and feel better about myself.

You know, I am sorry, though. I’m sorry to myself.

Honesty

Published on by Roo2 Comments

In all walks of life, it is always best to be open and honest. No one is perfect, I know I’m sure as hell not. Sometimes we get afraid, or we feel like we can’t say what we really mean. Pictured above is me with the woman who instilled that in me. She is the most beautiful and caring woman I know, and I’m proud to call her my mom. Isn’t she stunning?

Over the years, my mom has given me the strength to be myself, and enough knowledge to make me extremely stubborn. We’re Italian, so being hard-headed is embedded in our DNA. With being stubborn, I have learned to fight not only for what I think is right, but to stand up for myself.

Recently, I was faced with something that absolutely destroyed me: the loss of trust. Normally, I would just leave and move on, but I decided to sit on it and figure out how I was going to deal with it. Over the past week, I’ve had some time to reflect on everything that happened and come to terms with everything. I haven’t really changed my view on it, but I’m no longer angry or hurt by what took place. It took every ounce of strength my mom gave to get through this.

I want to thank my mom for being there for me, no matter how awful I was being. From name calling to the terrible twos that she’s still trying to get me to grow out of, I am amazed her hair isn’t white! I hope she knows how much I love her, and that even though I’m getting older, I will always need my mom. I will always need to hear her say “cool beans”, and to tell her terrible jokes which I love.

I love you, mama!

How Romantic

Published on by Roo3 Comments

My morning was very relaxing and lighthearted, filled with videos and music. As the day moved into the afternoon, I was surprised with a beautiful candlelit lunch containing the healthiest of foods, because I deserve it. Am I the only one that craves fast food when they’re sick?

After I ate my meal fit for a queen, I did the only sensible thing: I watched Friends and took a nap on the couch with my kitties. By the time I woke up, my mom got home and I wish I could say I spent time with her, but I was so tired that I fell back asleep. She wanted me to go lie down in my room because it’s not good for me to sleep on the couch (I have back problems). Did I listen? Nope, why would I? Why would I listen to something that makes complete sense? No matter how old I get, she will always be my mom and I will always be stubborn. I love you, mama, and I’m sorry that I’m always a pain in the ass!

As the day comes to an end, I realized that I actually had a good Valentine’s Day. I never thought I would say this, but I actually don’t hate this day as much as I thought I did. I learned that not every holiday has to be this big event, it just needs to be fun. With that being said, I will never give up my big Italian Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s Day, no matter what you did.

A Hair Day

Published on by RooLeave a comment

For the first time in 6 years, I straightened my hair and I honestly don’t know how to feel about it. I like having it straight because it makes it easier to get out of my face, but I love my curls. It’s taken me years to accept and love my curly, frizzy hair.

When I was in high school, all the “cool” girls had straight hair, so everyone straightened their hair in hopes they would rise through the social hierarchy. For the first two months, I was constantly asked, “Why don’t you straighten your hair?” and told that curls were only meant for formal events. I am one of those people who doesn’t like to be bothered, so I started to straighten my hair in an attempt to fade into the background of the hallways between classes.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t as simple as straightening my hair and it would be straight. I had the joy of straightening my hair and it turning into a static-ridden disaster, which lead to more questions and comments. I learned that I would have to train my hair. Everyday before school, I would wake up at 5 AM, brush my teeth, wash my face, straighten my hair, do my makeup and still be late for the bus (if my mom wasn’t driving me that day). I straightened my hair everyday until my hair lost all of its body. I was finally left alone.

After I left that school and continued my high school education online, that routine stopped. I didn’t have to deal with any comments about anything. It was great. I was actually able to feel confident about something on my body.

Up until today, I have probably straightened my hair about 5 times, and about 3 of those times to make it easier to curl. Another reason I don’t like my hair straight is because my ears stick out slightly, so the curls cover that up!

I’m happy I did this, I got to see how long my hair actually is, but I don’t see myself breaking out my flat-iron for the sake of pin-straight hair anytime soon.

This weekend is going to be a busy one. I will be getting ready to start my new routine! I bought a white board to keep track of things and workout clothes! I hope everyone has an amazing weekend, and I’ll see all of you back here Monday morning!