Tag: happiness

Keeping it Under Wraps

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Sometimes it’s hard to look forward. We can’t see past what’s happened before and we try desperately to be in the moment. The fact of the matter is that the future, second by second, is coming and going at a constant speed and we can’t stop it. We sit and plan out our lives and daydream about everything we want to do. In some aspects we do have some input as to where we’ll end up, but for the most part we don’t; we need to try to gain the ability to accept that even though the unknown is scary, it’s quite beautiful.

For a while, my initial plan for life was to rough it on my own. I was going to move to Seattle, invest in a few apartments and once I had enough money, I would go to a sperm bank and make a family for myself. If someone came along and wanted to be apart of it, they could. I wanted to have this all done by 25. Recently, my plans got completely turned upside down. I’m going to be 23 in July, I still live at home and I’m a student. I also know that I will not be going at this alone.

I never thought I would be here, with someone and have so many opportunities. This wasn’t apart of my master plan, but I am so happy that dream got demolished and replaced with this one.

Eventually, I will write about my new plan for life, but I want to keep this dream to myself for a bit longer. I’m still in shock about the whole thing, and it amazes me to the point that just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes (good tears, I assure you).

Sometimes keeping things a secret can be hard, but this has been the easiest thing to ever happen to me,

Looking Back

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While I was sitting here trying to figure out what to write about, I went back to my poetry blog, Writing In the Street. I read a few of my pieces out loud before returning to the dilemma of figuring out what to write. That’s when a certain someone suggested that I write about my old work.

I started writing poetry and short stories when I was 14 years old, and I never stopped. I used to hate writing, truly hate it. Then, I met my 9th grade English teacher, Mr. Z. Not only was he passionate about English and teaching, he instilled his passion into me. He’s the reason I started writing, and I can never thank him enough.

I stopped writing for a while; I became extremely critical of and discouraged by my work, but that’s all changed. I got my inspiration back, and found a new muse. I’m really happy that I’m getting back into writing, especially with them by my side.

Take a Breath

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As my day comes to an end, I realize that it’s just the beginning. I spent the entire day smiling, which I haven’t done in a while. I can’t even begin to explain how I feel, and it’s so amazing and refreshing.

I thought for a long time that I was quickly reaching the end of my story, only to realize that it was just the end of a chapter. I feel better about everything, and I’m not as angry anymore. I’m happy I allowed myself a second chance, and I’m not letting it get away from me this time.

I hope everyone has a wonderful night, and knows how special they are. If you don’t have anyone to tell you that they love you tonight, then I will do it.

I love you, and I hope you have amazing dreams. You’re special and perfect, and only you can be you.

Goodnight!

A Good Night

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Happy Margarita Day everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful night, I know I did! Tonight I let my guard down and had fun with my mom! We had drinks, blasted music and had a ton of laughs.

Before I started drinking, I worked on my secret journal and got some school work done. I also did a lot of thinking today about my life and I know exactly what I need and want to do.

Today, overall, was a bit uneventful but sometimes boring is good. I am happy and calm, which I deserve to be.

I hope everyone had a great day, margaritas or not! Until tomorrow, have a goodnight!

As the Hours Pass

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I have spent many hours on the little black book. I didn’t even realize what time it is until I realized my playlist started over… twice! I can’t wait to be done setting up this journal so I can finally use it.

Yesterday, I managed to get all of the dye off my face, but my hands are still a nice shade of blue. I ended up leaving the house, though, to get dinner with my mom! We had a great time and we ended up stopping at the little convenience store before heading home. There, a very kind woman complimented my hair and we spent about 5 minutes talking about hair dye!

I’m so happy I have found the energy to keep going. I’m even happier that I’m enjoying music again, and singing until my vocal cords are sore. I still have a long way to go, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was definitely worth the wait!

The Secret

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Most girls have little, black dresses…. I have a little, black notebook. I have a plethora of notebooks, but this one is special; this one will hold secrets that cannot be revealed as of yet.

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster, some bad and a lot of good. I am getting back on track with my life, and everything seems bright again. My entire perspective has changed; it scares me, but in the best way possible. The past few weeks have given me hope for my future, and it’s truly amazing.

I wish I could shout from the roof tops about how I’m feeling, but that would generate noise complaints, and it’s being kept under wraps for now… which is where the notebook comes into play! I will be writing everything down and keeping track of it all so when everything has settled down, I can write about it here.

At this point, only a few people know what’s going on in my life, which I really like. I feel like a spy on a top-secret mission. I’m so excited for this mission, just thinking about it puts a smile on my face.

Every girl has her secrets, it keeps the mystery alive!